The Sand Of Time...

Off The Cuff

2009-10-19T16:42:00.002+08:00

I'm really blowing my own horn here, but I've just came to realize that I'm able to write stories off the cuff (definition: impromptu). In fact, when I think about it again, most of my stories in this blog are impromptu, just that it didn't occur to me until a friend asked me to review her story.

I'm a reader who prefers one or two emotional situations per chapters in books I read. From suspense to romance, or from horror to elation, etc, in one chapter. However, the chapter my friend asked me to review, was from suspense to serenity to suspense to serenity. I'd prefer to have it split into two chapters. To show her an example of extreme change of story atmosphere (and genre), I wrote the following back to her within 5 minutes of reading her story.

I do notice that while my mind works for stories (actually, it's not original, but plagiarism or based on other stories I've read my entire life), my grammar gets worse as I write faster. Anyway, enjoy the extreme Chapter.

-------
A burly men stepped through the door and shoved Peter down to the floor. “You asshole!”, Peter exclaimed. It’s been a while since he last saw his brother. “How ya’ doin’, kiddo?”, Michael picked him up from the floor. Looking at each other’s face, Peter smiled, his brother didn’t change at all. In fact, he’s not moving, just transfixed.

Just then Peter realized blood oozing from his brother’s neckline. Then his body slipped away, replaced by a tall man in black costume holding a ninja blade behind him. “Oh my god, my ex-wife’s uncle found me!”, Peter trembled in fear. “I told you never to mess with my niece! You stole her recipe, left her and opened this restaurant under your name! Now, face the consequences.”

As the man approached, he slipped on a banana peel and fell backward. The ninja blade flew into the air and landed into the table, breaking the plate of spaghetti and landed the tip of the blade protruding between two meatballs. “My, that’s a humongous dick replica”, thought Peter. The man, having fell and hitting his head hard on the floor, fainted. Just then, Peter had a nasty thought. He have been finding this man quite attractive since he married his ex-wife.

Peter crept down to the man, checking for a pulse. Yes, he’s still alive of course. Then he slapped the man a few times, seems he’s really out of it. The zippers started being undone, and then off comes the pants. Peter’s heart beats fast as he pulled down the boxers and started to place his lips on the man’s member.

The enjoyment lasted a while, but then Peter heard sounds from the toilet a few paces behind him. “Who’s that?”, he thought. He stopped his activity and proceeded to the toilet, thinking that another attempt to kill him drew near. As he entered one cubicle, he heard a flush in the other. Then he turned to see the other cubicle, and a laughter ringed in the room. He was just about to run out when something moved in the mirror. He glanced at it, and sees himself, with blood spattered on his face, fangs and black eyes staring back at him. Behind his horrible mirror-image, he saw a woman in white.

“Oh my god! Mother!”, Peter shrieked! He turned around, but his no one was there, but the image in the mirror stilled. It moved towards Peter and he could feel a cold touch to his shoulder. “Peter, the Cube of Veta Sigma must be saved! The aliens will arrive tomorrow night, and you need to meet Mr J. Just to go the corner donut shop and ask for Lou Bega. He will show you the way. Go now! For the sake of humanity, Peter. Go now!”

The image disappeared as Peter left the toilet.

The Saviour and the Condemned

2009-04-03T23:02:00.002+08:00

A calm river. Bodies out of the water does not linger anywhere near the river, as they are busy with their lives. Bodies in the water, are those who are deemed lost in life.

A boat is seen; a lone figure crouching at the side looking into the river. At times, he reaches his hands into the river and pulls a body out. The Saviour.

Beneath the boat, a body, not as lifeless as the rest, seems to follow the boat's flow. The Saviour has realised this since long ago.

He realised that some bodies are difficult to pull out, while others are easy. The easy ones, he knows, is being pushed from beneath the water by the awakened body; The Condemned.

Many times he tries to grab the hands of the Condemned to pull out, and that many times the Condemned pulls his hand away, but does not try to pull the Saviour with him. The Condemned has accepted who he is, what he is, but does not accept others around him being like him.

Who is the Condemned? I am.

Why I Think An Auto-Biography Is Important

2009-02-03T16:12:00.002+08:00

I'm not sure about other people out there, but for me, I'd really like to know how my parents grew up, and what made them what they are today. For me, it is not easy to just approach my dad and ask him, "When did u hit the important career moment?" or "What were your interest in school?" and things like that, because our relationship has established itself to be more of a barrier-ed father-son relationship that's open only for adult talk, and not personal talk.

For me, an auto-biography should be written at every milestone in life, similar to the milestones I've written in previous posts. That is, to write about your youth and education life when you start working... and date it. Meaning, the topic can be "Javalier: 1970 - 1990. Written 4th Jan 1992, completed 24th Feb 1992." Nothing wrong with that, maybe when you reach 45, you'd look back at the post and you can add comments, and also date that comment, so that you can see how things have changed in perspective of age. Never ever edit again when that chapter is completed.

After your first kid is 10 years old (not another chapter at marriage, as you'd have too little to write about). At this time, you can talk a bit about your career, what you faced, what you did right and wrong, what you think you should have done otherwise, and also include your marriage talk, your relationships, etc, as well as "where and when" of important events especially for the understanding of your children. Still, the story should still center yourself.

When am I going to start writing my own? I'm not sure. All I know is it should be a one straight off, no need to draft and re-drafting. I'm not trying to market myself, I just want a summary of my life.

2008 Review

2008-12-30T14:50:00.002+08:00

A quick review gives me this for 2008....

Career - Better.
There are lots more things to learn and experience as compared to my job in 2007.

Finance - Better.
With the new career of 2008, and further tightening and monitoring of expenditure, there are more savings this year.

Health - Worse.
The new job of 2008, as well as personal experiences are still causing a lot of pressure and stress, which does lead to more asthmatic counts.

Happiness - Same.
As compared to 2007, where there are some happiness and some sadness, this year, there are a lot of happiness and a lot of sadness, so it still remains the same on the scale.

Intelligence - Same.
Though I've been exploring methods and manners to at least view a sense of intelligence improvements, I don't have any proof of any increment.

Emotions - Worse.
2008 sees me slowly losing grip of my proudest emotion: patience. I'm less patience and have more temperament.

Family - Undisclosed.

Knowledge - Better.
Of course. If a whole year goes by and there are no new knowledge acquired, something must be totally wrong with me.

Ambition - Worse.
There have been no movement on my ambition. Therefore, with the rising age, and non-moving ambition, I deem it worse for 2008.

Ethics - Same.
Work and personal ethics remain the same.

Connection to Fate

2008-12-23T00:36:00.002+08:00

In this world, in your life, on your way to fulfilling your destiny, there are....

One who brought you into the world
One who shows you the world
One who picks you up when you fall
One who ensures you don't get up
One who motivates you on your path
One who stops you from your dream
One who gives you hope, when you stop
One who stops you, when you move
One who makes you soar wildly
One who keeps you grounded to reality
One who remains a friend, though far
One who remains an enemy, always near
One who straighten your winding path
One who creates crossroads in your motion
One who gives you the knowledge you need
One who modifies it into wisdom for your usage
One who takes it back, for you are not ready
One who deletes the knowledge you already have

In all of the above, one or several individuals constitutes the 'One'. He/She may be of a different person at different times in your life.

Remember though, that none of the above are negative. There are reasons to why they are who they are to you. The only person who can bring negativity, besides evil itself, is you, the

One who has the power to decide.

With the guidance and effect of the collective "One"s, may your destiny be fulfilled.

The above, albeit not at all complete, is inspired by each and every life that has touched my existence.

Anger Management: Revisited & Children Emotional Education

2008-12-21T12:14:00.004+08:00

I feel the need to talk about my anger management. Subconsciously, my anger management is controlled by 3 things.

1. My respect for Mahatma Gandhi's life of pure tolerance, peace and patience.
2. Prophet Jesus's (pbuh) claimed quote of "If anyone slaps on your cheek, show him your other cheek too."

I'm not a saint. The two above only constitute less than half of what controls my anger. The 3rd thing that controls my anger is...

3. My amusement of what anger can do to a person, and how much energy and time can be wasted by just feeling angry.

In psychology, my main interest is in emotional psychology, as I've written in a previous post titled "Test". Growing up, it was very interesting to note how unscrupulous drivers can cause my mum and dad to be so affected that they only talk about how careless the driver is for at least a half hour long, while we know the driver does not even have a five second thoughts of my mum and dad. I've also seen my friend, MG chased a car who cuts right in front of him for a whole 30km just to cut that driver again. I don't see the benefit in this.

I've written also maybe two years ago that, being angry to a person is like being in love. That person takes a huge amount of your mind at that time, and energy is spent on thinking of vengeance or "what I would have done differently if I can turn back time." Frankly, sincerely, truthfully, I think I have made a great advancement on my own personal anger management. When a person gets angry at you, they want you to get angry too. We do realise that if the other person doesn't get angry, or just say "whatever", it makes you just more angry, right? I enjoy doing that, sorry to say. I don't say "whatever", but I just drop it. No sense in getting affected.

This had led to me being termed by a good friend, AS, that I have an emotional switch I can just turn on and off. Maybe I do, maybe I don't. All I know is that when someone gets angry at me, or try to provoke an anger in me, there would be an instantenous evaluation of the situation on whether it's even worth a cent in me being affected. If it doesn't, then I don't give a damn.

A simple situation is this morning whereby a cashier chided me for not telling my orders properly. So what? I just paid and left. Within two steps walking away from the counter, all thoughts of the cashier left my memory.

I just failed to realise something though. When I'm alone, I can do that. When I'm with others who knows me, that's when there is a different variable that comes into play. If my son sees me getting scolded for an honest mistake, and I walk away, what kind of impact will that create? Will that say "Oh, we must just not care about anger." or "My dad's a coward." or whatever it is.

What I know is that when someone gets angry at my loved ones in the past, yes, I get affected because my position is as a protector. But when it's directed at me alone, I just lift up my simple anti-emotion shield and move on. Surely, when people get angry at me, and my loved ones are nearby, they would feel affected, and this is one thing that I failed to realise and would now need to formulate a better 'dealing with the situation' should it arise again.

I give myself and you readers this situation. Imagine you're walking with your parents, and you tripped over a wire that a workman lays across the floor of a shopping mall, and the plug comes out of the socket. Before you could cuss (or whatever it is you do when these things happen), and find someone to blame, a workman who was drilling a small hole into the wall suddenly snaps at you. "Hoi! Blind ah?" and he proceed to walk to the plug, put it back in and as we walks back to his stairs, he gives you an angry glance. What is your reaction?

If I'm alone, yes, I'd just walk away. No sense in putting sense into someone who's already stupid enough not to tape the wire securely to the floor. Again, I'm not a saint. A saint would go to the management and tell them the danger of the wire that may trip a much elder person, etc etc. Now, besides the above, wouldn't you start getting angry and say "What blind?! You're the one who didn't secure the wire properly. What if my mother step over it??" bla bla bla, and shouting ensues, etc etc,... 10 minutes later, you fumed off, the workman continues his work in anger.

Two hours later you're still fuming. At home, the dinner table topic is about a stupid workman. Next day at work, the breakfast topic is about the stupid workman.

In the end, how does this benefit you? You traded time and energy for anger, and you didn't get a single cent from 'loving' this workman. I'd rather use my mind to think of so many other stuff than just anger to a workman.

But that's just me. I guess the new formula now would be to pretend anger and scold the person, and continue to throw anger blows at each hurtful comment, just for the fun of it. Seriously, that would be fun. Ok then, that's my new formula.

My Current Danger In Life: December 2008

2008-12-20T00:42:00.002+08:00

I Talk, But I Don't Do. When I Do, I Do Out Of Desperation, Not Out Of Choice. May This Change.

RM75,000 Test

2008-12-19T22:30:00.002+08:00

Usually, when I conduct a test, I never really thought that consequences could turn out very bad! This was my latest test. I wanted to see if a 'good' news which I want to keep secret would really leak out.

So, I ended up telling TWO friends that "Guess what?!? My friend bought a lottery ticket, but he borrowed my money for it. In the end, he won RM150,000 so he gave me half! Crazy ha?! But I can't use the money, therefore I'll just keep it until I know what to do with it." I told five other people (friends of these TWO friends) whether they've heard anything new from the two friends or not... and to wait a few days to see if they get to know anything from them.

It turned out to be that the TWO friends are trustworthy! It didn't leak out at all. So, what's the problem?? The problem is the unexpected (or half-expected lah actually) consequence. From being totally stable financially and have never had problems buying expensive food from Dome, both of them suddenly faced a financial situation! One said that he was trying to borrow RM5,000 but only have gotten RM2,000 so far, for some reasons I don't need to put here. While another said he's getting married, and the wife's family asked him to fork out RM12,000 within a month's time.

Both of them could easily borrow from the bank. No financial situations have ever been brought up to me before in my entire time having them as friends, but just as soon as they see surplus in my coffers, they suddenly develop a "hey, share lah, friend!" attitude that comes so subtly they themselves would not have realised it.

So, the love of money, huh?

Chess

2008-12-19T22:22:00.003+08:00

I have two passions in my life. Chess is one of them, the other I do not wish to mention. To many, chess is just a game. To me, chess is a dedication of time sacrifices. When I look back into my past, I remember in 1993 - 1995, having my school holidays waking up at 9am, and then from 10am till 10pm, I'm sitting alone with a chessboard in front of my face practising, analysing and studying moves ALONE.

Sounds superbly nerdy, but all chessplayers who are passionate about the game do this. In soccer, an entire team practises, albeit having a strict coach, at least there are people. There's a place to socialise. Even in badminton. But mind games like this, either you're alone, or you're analysing amongst two or three like-minded 'nerds'.

The one reason I bring along chess with me into my present, though I hardly practise anymore, is that I know I have dedicated a LOT OF TIME in training to improve myself in the game. I am not going to just let go of two years of dedication of time and effort.

I am happy that my company won the recent chess competition, and I myself am elated that at least I am still having my competency in the game. Chess is a game to many, but to me, it's a passion. Ask any other players around me what I do when I play the game. I'm too focused to notice anything else, and my eyes gets red. That's what the game do to me. Is it natural or not? I don't know. I have not read studies on chess players to see if I'm as common as any other passionate players, or I'm different. All I know is that even an old chess friend of mine, who claims he has given up the game professionally, still shiver when he plays. Shivering moving pieces shows a sign of passion, as they're really scared that the move is the wrong one. As if it will snap their hands off.

I'm like that too, but I don't shiver. I will take the defeat into mind three to four hours after, which is not good for the mind actually. I know others who are dedicated to a game they have passion in, understands that the 'game' they play is not merely a game to them.

Ready

2008-12-19T22:08:00.003+08:00

I was just listening to my boss's story about one relative who keeps giving excuses on getting a career. She has just finished her degree, but have been staying home for the past 7 months. She's an excellent straight-A's student, from elementary to university, but according to her, the companies are not accepting her for the job. They've did a few research, and found out that instead of the companies not accepting her, she's the one who actually turned down offers.

In my personal opinion, this is a psychological issue. You are the best in school, the best in university. Therefore you want to maintain that excellence, but, you know that, once you step into the working world, you're joe average. You will have to start ALL OVER AGAIN to build yourself, because this time, instead of competing intelligence amongst people your age in the same education line, you are thrown into a world of pure complexity. I believe, that she is suffering from the fear of letting go of her protected little world.

Every stage in life, we sacrifice, downgrade or postpone something. When we step from the education world into the working world. We sacrifice protection. There are no more guides from teachers, some guidance from parents, but mostly, the workload, stress, pressure, timelines will mold you for your furtherance of existence. Your annual future will no longer be from a week of exams from 3 months of cramping yourself with information, but purely your skills, attitude and accomplishments to what your job entails of you. It's a totally different ballgame.

When we step into marriage, we either sacrifice, downgrade or postpone passion and individual hobbies/dreams. When we step into parenthood, we sacrifice or downgrade great ambition that we have not yet achieved. The reason is simple, with every step into more responsibility, you face several losses that you used to have; time, freedom and energy. They are divided into your now added responsibilities.

The keyword here is ready-ness. You do not move to the next facet in life unless you are ready for it. For as long as you're not ready, and you move into the next step, you would usually find regret. However, READY have a deadline. You HAVE to be ready for work by the time you're 30. You HAVE to be ready for parenthood (if you want children) by the time you're 50, or else you'll find a huge gap between your age and the children, where on one side we have an agile monster while the other is currently weakening.

Be ready, or else, force yourself to be ready. To push yourself into the next stage in life without being ready will only cause regret further on in life. With every step into new responsibilities, you find yourself losing a few things; time, freedom and energy. These are divided into the added responsibilities of your life, and either you have to accept them, or, accept that you would need to sacrifice creating a rift in family relationships due to neglect.

TEST

2008-12-05T16:15:00.006+08:00

It has come to my attention that too many people are thinking that I'm not sincere when I befriend them or even talk to them, because they believe that whatever I'm asking or talking about it purely about learning psychology. In basic terms, too many people think that I love to 'test' people.

Granted, I am highly passionate in what makes an individual ticks. If you watch Heroes series, I'm actually Sylar (without the power of course). I like to see reactions from emotions. I like to know what different people do when faced with a similar situation. I like to note body languages, face expressions and words people use when faced with situations.

What I don't do is purposely testing friends by creating emotions in them. I do not say "I love you" simply to a girl just to see and test her reaction. I don't say "Oi, F**k you!" just to learn how different friends react to it. With friends, colleagues, families, I do not 'test' psychological responses, but I cannot help myself if I naturally begin to learn about the person's profile and psychological self as the friendship grows. This is common with all human beings, that they will eventually learn about another person, so I'm not doing anything different in that. Every friendship that I have, it is truthful and sincere. None are for 'test' subjects. So, if I were to say something about the person, whether I think their dressing is not tasteful to my eyes, or even compliment, it's sincere and truth, not a test.

There are two exceptions on the above! My children are 'part time' test-subjects because I really want to study about psychological development in children, and they're the closest kids that I can learn from. Basically, my goal is to understand the milestones of knowledge growth according to exposure and age. The next exception is I am given a task, or for some vengeful reason or that I really have to know about a person's profile for some reasons, then I'd go into my questioning and testing mode, and this is very rare. It's usually against colleagues more than anyone else.

My test subjects?! Strangers! And people I know under controlled condition. For example, just a month back, I told my colleague "S" that I want to ask him some questions for psychological understanding, and he's ok with it. Exact thing I texted through Yah*oo Messen*ger is "I'd like to learn how a person come out from a "self-conscious" and "low-esteem" to someone confident."

Questions that came out were: -

Would u categorise yourself growing up between 12-18 as..... a) Geek b) Hunk c) Nerd d) Athelete e) Normal guy
Do you have a problem chatting with a pretty girl? Describe why if you have.
Have you ever had a strong inclination to approach a pretty stranger to befriend? If so, how often? And how often the feeling has been so intense that you linger around trying to gain confidence?
In your life, how many times have u approached a pretty stranger to befriend her? (I'm not interestsed if fail to befriend or not).
How many times in ends up that the stranger is not what she seems? (ie, not as interesting as you thought she would be)
Where is the best place you think is the safest to approach a stranger for friendship? What is the most common for you? (ie. LRT station, cafeteria/restaurants)
Does making friends get easier the more you're experience?
Which of the feelings below actually affect you in approaching a stranger if you're not confident? May pick more than one. 1. Fear 2. Unworthy 3. Panic 4. Self-unaware (as if you're not yourself and you're looking at yourself from above) 5. Shy/Ashamed 6. Others (pls define)

This is what I do to friends, tell them that I would like to ask some questions on psychology because I want to learn something.

Strangers??? Anything under the sky, according to what I want to learn. But my main interest has always been reactions to emotions. When I'm in public places and there are squabbles, or something happy (ie two families suddenly bump into each other), or whatever that emotions transforming event, I'd be a busybody and watch and learn using my peripheral vision. This is natural learnings and studying. When I see people toting a baby, after I've done toting the baby myself, I watch the other's reaction, facial expression, and then you can tell at least a little about how compassionate a person is, what's their liking and disliking towards children, etc.

Direct intervention towards learning includes me really talking to them, or creating an emotion transforming event (ie giving real sincere compliment, giving real sincere comment). Basically, I do not fake it. Yes, there are times that I can be naughty, but to me it's still a study process. A real example is learning about curiosity, whereby I stood in the middle of public, looking up towards a window of a building. I DO NOT exaggerate by pointing fingers. When at least about another 3-5 people walking by looks up, I stop and move away. But it creates a ripple effect. Others who saw these 3-5 people also looks up, and within 2-3 minutes, a lot of people look up for no apparent reason. It gives me a statistics on who's curious and who doesn't care.

What do I really get from this?? Am I gonna be a psychologist? No, not really. It is a never-ending research for why people do what they do. When there's an ant on the table, I flick it away. But I see people who have no qualms pressing their thumb onto the ant. I wonder what makes murderer slit people's throat as natural as a mother slices butter to make a sandwich.

Whatever it is, when there are various and so many different reactions towards a same event, experienced by so many different individuals, I get to learn this. There are a lot of different choices in this world. There are a lot of different actions in this world. It's what makes variety. It's what makes a human a human. It's what makes me realise, we are totally alive.

Snippets of My Childhood (Birth - 11 Years)

2008-11-22T23:24:00.005+08:00

These are video images I seem to have in my mind, replayed once in a blue moon, that I'm putting down to words now. Since last year, when these images comes to mind, I took note of them until I collected enough. They range from birth until Primary 6. The term VM means Video Memory.

1. When my sister had her ears pierced for the first time, it was in Jaya Jusco Taman Tun Dr Ismail with my mother. I remembered covering my fear and feelings of crying by saying I want dinner in KFC. My tears did come out when she had the piercing. We had dinner at KFC. :D

2. The rambutan tree that's growing well, was planted by my father on an evening when I was a lot younger (maybe about 7 years). After planting the seed (or small tree??), he watered it and placed small stones in a circle around the area. I was the only witness and 'helper'.

3. I remembered a vague memory of peeing in pain with bandages around my "privates" in a hospital, after I was circumcised. My mother stayed overnight with me. I was about 3-4 years old.

4. I suffered from bad asthma that led to blocked nose until I was hospitalized, at least twice. My VM is having to bend down over a pail of treated hot water to clear my nose. In 2007, after a visit to a specialist, I found out I had a nose-bone-movement surgery which , after a phone call, is confirmed by my father. It was due to that blocked nose problem. So, if I was to pour water in my nose, my right nostril can hold more water. Hahaha...

5. I was Linus of Charlie Brown in my early years, for at least 3 years. My blanket follows me everywhere.

6. In an anger fit between the ages of 5-8 years, I jumped on the bed while the maid was mending some clothes, and as fate would have it, the scissors and my feet met. Pierced into the sole of my foot. I was later told that all limbs was held down by hospital staffs while the doctor sewed my wound. My VM is when I was jumping on the bed and seeing the scissors 'jumping' as well.

7. I was asked for a four digit number by an uncle when I was in Terengganu, which later I knew it was to buy 4D. I forgot which uncle is was. My VM is at my uncle asking me numbers while he was outside the car and I was still sitting at the passenger seat with the door opened.

8. My father tried introducing me to a hobby, which later went costly, due to 'volunteers' that keep breaking the propeller of the remote control helicopter. This was when I was between 9 - 11 years. My VM is jumping across the huge 'parit' to get to the clear area where the helicopter is to be launched.

9. I chickened out of an Annual School Show, as one of the oar-men in an Ulit-Mayang rendition in my primary years. Lucky I wasn't one of the main characters. Watching the video and only see 3 people with oars made me sick in my stomach, till now. My VM is of watching the video.

10. My primary 4 teacher is the most beautiful teacher in school but the fiercest of all. A lot of Monday MCs due to my fear of seeing her in school, which led to voluntary forced cough in the mornings, that eventually led me to really being sick by vomiting and getting asthma. My VM is the mornings vomiting in the toilet with my father watching.

11. My first crush was with a Y--g E-L---e back in Primary 1. We're still friends now. My VM of that moment is her turning back to talk to her friends.

12. In Standard 3, I remembered buying 5 cents by paying 10 cents because I was a freak at collecting 5 cents. My VM is a friend giving me two 5 cents in exchange for my two 10 cents.

13. In Standard 3 also I cried in class, telling the teacher that an "Alex" (classmate) is going to kill me by black magic. Hehehe... hilarious. My VM is of that crying moment and pointing my finger to Alex who was dumbfounded.

14. In Standard 2, I tried to outdo someone's antic by doing something too embarrassing to write down here. My VM is doing that 'antic'.

15. In Standard 5, I found out that the father of the girl I had a crush on was my favorite Malaysian race driver. My VM is of a Ken Ming showing me his profile in The Star.

16. In Standard 1, I remembered being the "Wolf" at the game "What is the time, Mr Wolf?" and not catching anyone of them. My VM is of walking towards the fence while the others are following behind me.

17. In Standard 2, a good friend named Jonathan Lim was my speed partner in school sport races. I can't remember who was faster. My VM is about going to Taman Titiwangsa together. I don't know where he is now.

18. In Standard 2, a mother of a Victor Lim came to school, gave me a good scolding, and told me never to lend my mechanical pencil to her son again. I lost contact with him. My VM is of his mother at the door, half-shouting at the teacher and to me waving the mechanical pencil in her hands.

19. In Standard 1, when I was still unable to converse in English, a girl by the name of Aileen talked to me in Malay. My VM is of her talking to me, and I can still recall her 7 years old self. I have since lost contact with her.

20. One VM is sitting at a road side stall with my father drinking Teh Halia in Terengganu back when I was below 7 years.

21. Another VM is following my father to the kitchen in the very early mornings where he would cook 'ikan bawal' to eat.

22. My sister and I mimicking the actions and conversation of He-Man and She-Ra when they met.

23. My first bike is a blue BMX bought at Jaya Supermarket by my father. My VM is having to ride it from the shop to my father's car. In my early secondary years, again when I bought a bicycle about a KM away from my house, he asked me to ride it home while he followed behind.

24. One of my earlier found interest was spraying Ridsect at a lit match to make a flamethrower. I later learned that I was lucky the Ridsect can itself didn't get affected. My VM of it is when I was flame throwing in my parent's bedroom.

25. The bests of origami is creating Thundercat's Thunder-Tank, a wide-winged paper air-plane that has good glide time and a four-bladed shuriken. I can still make them now.

There are other VMs that I have before the age of 12, however, they are best not worded here. One thing that I have been proud of is that I have found most of my lost friends from my Primary Days. I'm still looking for those I mentioned above.

Destructive Power of Love

2008-11-22T23:00:00.004+08:00

True story. One skeleton in my closet. Only two persons ever knew, one is a witness, and one being the victim of love. This shows how destructive 'love' is to a person. This shows the danger of 'being in love'. I have had always questioned myself if the fault is mine, even until today, but the conclusion has always been "it's fated to happen", but then I keep re-questioning it.

Back in 2004, when I was working in another state, I was partly a project manager, partly an IT trainer. My project and training of 40 village kids for them to be Village-IT-Trainers went extremely well at the end of the project, whereby after I left, the village IT Center was still run until late last year when the last 'teacher' left the village. My only mistake is I couldn't create another IT Trainer to teach trainers from these 40 kids.

Among the 40 kids, which in the end turned out to be only 22 strong ones, were the Top 5 students of the Top Form 6 Class in a nearby school, as well as another Top 3 students from the 2nd Top Form 6 Class. I also had some Form 5 top-of-the-class in my center. I didn't choose them, it was purely on a voluntary basis, so I was glad that these top students wanted to take up voluntary work to learn IT and thus teach IT to the village masses.

The best student of the best Form 6 class, let's call her "N". We'll put in another person, a normal Form 5 student of the top form 5 class from the same school,... we'll call her "A".

Ok, start of story. I'll try to totally shorten it to main areas only. I wish to first humbly apologize for not being humble at all during my story-telling. Ok, here goes. My work started in Jan 2004, within the first three weeks, I already noticed A started to show some signs of infatuation to me by giving a passport sized photo of herself. This I placed at the back of my Business Card Book which contains some another photo of my best friend and her girl best friend. I was prepared for this "chances of student liking teacher" scenario. So, I established a professional relationship with A straight away and as of today, we're like an acquaintance, just once in a while sms-ing each especially during Hari Raya, just wishing each other's family.

I never noticed N. Because by the time I did, N was already faltering in studies. By August, I found out from N's friend that N is having problem coping with studies coz she's been hiding her infatuation to me. In April's STPM trial exam set by the school, she was still top in school. By June, she was 3rd best. Damage control was not easy. I couldn't just ignore her because I am the trainer. I cannot talk too much with her because I don't want to provoke further heighten of emotions in her. Even establishing a professional relationship was not possible, as she viewed it as a cold treatment when I could be fun and funny to other trainees. So, I did the best I could, that is to continue treating her same as the others in the class, ignoring the fact that I knew she likes me, and that she knew that I already knew. We have never talked about her infatuation, only my attempt to bring it to a professional level which she felt and told her friend.

By the time I left in January 2005, I stopped all contact with her, and only respond or reply when she calls, and being the shy girl she is, she never asked any infatuation-type question. We have never had any conversation about it. By mid 2005, I found out she failed her STPM.

I looked back in time, was there anything I could have done? I looked back at myself also. There's none. Love will either make you stronger or destroy you. When I went deeply infatuated with a school-mate from 2002 to 2006, she actually made me stronger. I wanted to so-called prove myself to her. Because N never told me to my face of her affection, I never talked about it. So maybe that's a wrong decision?? But to even bring it up first, I believe is wrong. I don't know, this is totally my viewpoint.

I don't know already what happened to her. All I know is that, my presence in this world had created a negative impact on one person. And that's not easy to live by, because one part of your memory will keep it for life.

Istanbul #1

2008-11-22T22:55:00.002+08:00

There's a famous joke in Istanbul. It goes...

Question: Istanbul?
Answer: I'm not sure, I think Tan is on Horse year, not Rat or Bull.

No,... no such stupid joke there. I intend to write about Istanbul in the next few blogs. It'll be more of a diary kinda entry, instead of a descriptive describation describingly described about Istanbul. But before that,... another post of the past.

The Last Choice

2008-11-16T15:41:00.004+08:00

What's interesting about life is the continuous development we faced physically, mentally and socially.

What's interesting is that we are faced with new knowledge daily, new skills adopted daily, new actions we take that leads to consequences minutes, or ever years later, new crossroads of decision-making that spans from easy-peasy to impossible (at least to our own ability).

Crossroads are an integral part of any living being. It is where few more doors open and few other doors close never to be opened again. Not many are able to stomach this, especially when it involves consequences of future impact that can only be realised many years to come. Animals make split second decision and live that future; humans, even after making a decision, the other decision haunts them until that 'realisation' comes to be, to confirm whether it was a right or wrong decision.

Due to higher intelligence, humans have always one more choice whenever they reach a crossroad. When choice A and B are heavily weighted, that leads to known consequences of dire conclusion, and they know they cannot stomach it, that it will never leave their memory, where the lost is too great no matter which decision is taken, they go for the last choice,....

....suicide.

.

My Child Turns Three / Language

2008-08-28T17:21:00.003+08:00

My firstborn turned 3 years old a week ago. If there's one thing I notice in him, it's his ability to use proper grammar in his Malay language and his memory. His English is nowhere near "natural", and I guess for this year it has to be a change of language for our home use.

Amazingly, I did a non-motivated research on this ability. A psycholinguist, Pinker, from Massa*chusetts Institute of Technology says that a three-year-old toddler is "a grammatical genius"--master of most constructions, obeying adult rules of language. Peter Freeman, a fluent six-language speaker states that "In the first 3 years of a child's life, they acquire most of their native language, and they do it with no textbooks, no drills, no flashcards, no explanations and no language software. They learn by interacting with people and their surroundings."

Research has shown that there are First Language Acquisition and Second Language Acquisition, however, since this research was done in a single-language speaking world (ie. USA), we'll change it a bit to Mother Language Acquisition and Secondary Language Acquisition. Purely via observation, in Malaysia, if you're a malay, you learn malay at a high successful level and english at various level (depending where you live) by the age of 12. For Chinese, in the Klang Valley, at 12 they are fluent in Chinese (and/or dialects of their parents), ok in Malay and quite bad in English. Amazingly, for Chinese who pushes English language as an important aspect to their children, the child ends up being fluent in English, ok in Malay and ok in verbal Chinese (and/or dialects) but are usually unable to read/write chinese. I have not enough experience with Indian compadres to make a conclusion of my observation for them.

Is a new language really hard to learn? I think most research are true, that if you want to learn the language, you have to live where the language is being spoken, and nothing else. You learn Chinese in China. In Malaysia, even if you live amongst Chinese, you will not learn as fast because you'll be going through a "translation" course with your Chinese, while in China it's a Do-Or-Die situation whereby both don't speak the language. I mean, of course there are English speaking chinese, but I'm pushing more towards the really non-English speaking ones.

Another is being in love with the language, most common example is loving to watch Japanese anime and slowly learning the language due to repetition... and it's good, because then you'll learn the normal speaking of the language and what phrases are usually used. If you were to use a book, it would be too formal. You wouldn't want to talk in Malay "Apa kamu buat di situ?" instead of "Kau buat apa kat situ?" or "Apa kau buat tu?". So, these videos are quite a good source of learning, though it's also quite slow.

My favourite method of learning, since a non-English speaking friend is almost non-existence in Malaysia, is to listen to their phone conversation. At least then you can see how sentences are structured, how words are used differently provided you do have a little bit of experience in SOV vs SVO.

SVO is Subject - Verb -Object which is commonly used in English, such as "I hate this". Most common used in the world are SOV - Subject - Object - Verb, such as in Chinese "I, this, hate!" which would sound a little like Yoda, though he actually uses OSV like in Star Wars's "Your father, he is" or if you were to pull his whiskers, he'll yell "Die, you will" and cut you up.

I'm not gonna post about languages here, just enough to note that while learning a language may seem difficult, like a friend says, we usually just use less than 1200 words, and actually use less than 300 different words on a daily basis. (I can't find a source to prove it during the time of this blog, but I've read it somewhere before). But I think, after learning words, and the SOV, SVO, etc.... in just a few weeks of common repetition, we can make a decent conversation with it.

Which is why I don't understand the hoo-haa about mastering English to get a good job. The Japanese (incidentally I received an email from Japan today asking to meet up about my job), doesn't mind bad English, as long as the message gets through. So I really think that as long as messages get through, there's really no need for a superb English speaking employee unless they're involved in producing white documents.

Back to my son,... he'll start English. Poor him.

True Friend

2008-07-30T01:17:00.003+08:00

I like that saying "A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn we f****d up!!!"

Last week, on Wednesday and Friday respectively, I met two true friends. One I've known for 16 years and another for 14 years. It was like an audit, on how we've grown and what we've achieved the past 10 years, and sadly, I'm way below par. But at least I realised that, and I'm happy I did. Audits like this, only true friends can do it. Pure direct no-filtered comments. Take it with stride, and you know deep inside, they do care for you and that's why they're very strong with the remarks.

I have to admit, I know one fault about myself that I never mentioned aloud, but was mentioned aloud by BOTH of them! Talk about knowing me! I have the problem of not completing what I started. I start too many things without completing what I've started before, then I'd have multiple incomplete projects. TL, one of them told me to just take in 2-3 things and complete per year. LS on the other hand, brought up a very interesting theory. My inability to complete what I've started may not be to the fact that I'm afraid that my completed project will not be up to par. She said that it's not that I may not be good enough to complete the project with success, but I may not be good enough to even complete it in the first place. That's a nice eye opener. I somehow cannot argue with that. Looking deep inside, yes, I think there is a fear that I fear that I'm not good enough to continue the journey to completion. Which is VERY bad.

What I've learned from them. You know, I tried to be 'cool', or go with the flow of what 'cool' people say... especially on new years resolution. I've not had any new year resolution since 1994! This stems from people's comment of "Why wait to new year?? Resolutions can be made on any day." That's the problem. The "any day" never came up. So I start off something at the spur of the moment without having a good resolution to it.

I've known all along that Goals must have Expected Outcome and Deadline. But everything that I started have an Expected Outcome but no deadline, not even a milestone, and that's the wrong way to go. Now I'm feeling hypocritical, coz' while I thrive on goals within my blogs, I'm not properly setting my own goals.

With the two meetings with my two true friends, I revisited my projects, and really have to be adamant that I need to shelf quite a lot and only concentrate on 2-3 at a time. As hard as that may be, to shelf projects, at least 2-3 gets done. Doing too many things at once, nothing gets done.

I learn something great last week. I hope you do too.

Control

2008-04-22T09:10:00.002+08:00

I'm writing in after I've collated a lot of stories and advices on control. While there are many issues on Control (ie. controlling of project, career, children, own life, etc), I'll write more on the control of life and things that affect life.

An auntie told me that when you have an employee working for you, you set the first basic rules and limitations, and then you internally put a control over it, by constant monitoring, etc. The moment it goes out of control such as the employee coming to work late, on that day itself you set it straight to tell the employee that he/she's late for 5 minutes. If you don't, within two months, he'll be half an hour late. This is a normal human nature taking its course. Not really the employee to be blamed if productivity of the company goes down, but the one who's supposed to be in control, who's not controlling the situation.

In life, it is the same. Things come to you which you don't want. To reject, you might be too kind-hearted to hurt someone. To accept means to tolerate. If you cannot tolerate, then you'd really have to reject. While it might be confusing, what I wrote can be applied to life in general and even work. There is no sense in living in hurt and depression with the so limited time we have in our life. I'm already looking at "waiting for monthly salary" as a total waste of 30 days of your life. So, in this kind of situation, whenever something that you do not want comes into your life, you take control, and either reject, or put a control over it if you have to accept it. Tolerate with control. The moment it gets out of control, and you don't take any action, it will engulf you.

As stupid as an example I put here, think of Dr Jeckyl and Mr Hyde. He has no choice but to accept it, therefore he tolerated it and do his best to control it.

Aww... I am called to work. Haha... okay, laterz.

The Two Seas: Revisited

2008-04-07T09:14:00.005+08:00

Back on 23rd August 2007, I wrote regarding the two seas where the contents do not mix with one another. It's true, in that post, the two seas are very much described in religious scriptures. Today, I've gotten another email on two seas not mixing again, and I decided to do another round of research.

Seems that there IS another area where two seas mixes, however, in this one, there are more Islam*ic anecdotes on it and no Chris*tian comments on it. Of course, in this situation, I highly agree that God Al-Mighty who creates everything also creates the chemistry of the world to achieve this. Jet-Stream, Earth-Magnetic Sphere (I forgot the true name of this), etc... are all God's wonderful creation.

Okay, let's start the explanation. This is a picture that's widely used everywhere to explain the amazing division of the ocean.

I cannot source this picture, as it's widely used. Sorry.

So, is the picture above REALLY true? Yes it is. Here's what happens underneath...

Source: Marine Geology, Kuenen, p. 43, with a slight enhancement by www.islam-guide.com

Along the Straits of Gibraltar, there are two oceans separating Europe and Africa, whereby one of it is Atlantic Sea and the other Mediterranean Sea. Without needing to explain too much, as can be seen in the picture above. The area where the Gibraltar Sill is at the highest point, the depth is anywhere between 300metres to 900metres (from so many various sources). Where the ocean meets, the higher salinity of the Mediterranean Sea Water goes under the lower salinity water of the Atlantic Sea Water.

As the Atlantic Sea Water enters deeper into the Mediterranean sea, it's salinity start to increase as they average each other out and becomes part of the Mediterranean sea. Same goes for the higher salinity that dives under the Altantic ocean's waters, where the higher salinity decreases in the mixture and averages each other out before it totally becomes of Atlantic's salinity.

A quick post this time, just to explain that above. Thanx. :D

Perceptions

2008-04-03T22:53:00.003+08:00

I'm not sure if everyone will get what I'm writing below.

1. What this guy did earned him the title of National Hero!! What Peggy Whit*son did is "just my job".

For every action there must be a foundation, and there must be a continuation! What happened above is like an JK Row*ling writing only Book 4 and be done at that. There's absolutely not even an ounce of foundation ready to start thinking of the above, and not an ounce of research that's done that can be considered an element for continued research. I don't get it. It's purely a publicity act.

2. Dropping a car down onto North Pole in 1998 was a proud moment!! What the hell??! Spending so much money to drop something that's totally useless in that environment?!

Another weird one. It's stated the reason is to show "the quality and strength of the car". With a parachute like that, any other car with the same weight and weight distribution will land as good. And why not check what tyre was used and what suspension was used, could've been made from other people. Another publicity act.

It's time to start showing by example than nonsense publicity.

Life Currency

2008-03-17T23:03:00.002+08:00

When we are born, we only have one currency to barter, and that is Time. As we grow up, we barter time against knowledge, as well as increasing value of time for certain skills.

Compare someone who's been using the computer for 10 years, against someone who don't. If somebody were to offer RM5 per page typed of his hand-written manuscript, the dude who can do a 100 words-per-minute can earn a lot more as compared to the one-finger typist. That's easily a RM500 in 4 hours against RM20 in 4 hours. No kidding.

After we've so-called bartered our time against knowledge, with money which our parent's bartered their time with (or you barter your future money when you take study loan), we will start to barter time against tasks.

You apply for a job, and you say "Yo, Mr Employer sir, I'm offering you time. My skills will increase my value of time in your specific task, thus making your own money vs time invested more meaningful. So, sir, I believe my time to your task is RM25 per hour. Do you accept?" And Mr Employer, after evaluating and confirming that investing money in your time will earn him more money, will offer you the job.

That's life currency. Simple and sweet. We invest money in the bank, with time on our side and we don't do anything at all, we'll earn a measly sum back. By investing our time towards tasks needed by employers, we earn more. But if we invest time towards customers' needs, we'll barter their money (which they've exchanged for time) with our products that we sell. If you look at it from another angle, every single person in this world is trading time!

Sadly, we sometimes throw time away. This is very common in the middle of the month, where the mind is set on saying "Just two more weeks to my next pay check." We do not have unlimited time, and those who are not healthy have even less time to barter with, but still we want our only currency to waste away without trading it properly with quality. We mope at home, complain, bi*ch, etc.... throwing life currency away for absolutely no value.

I think it's time to re-evaluate the value of your life currency, and see how best to barter it with something you really need and want.

Contempt / Humility

2008-03-13T23:55:00.003+08:00

The average 'emotional impact' that can stay with someone is as short as two days to as long as three months, and some for life. This is purely my view, I don't have any proof.

That's why we humans are so interesting. One minute we go "I'm really very humbled over this incident." and the story will go on for days to different people. And then, three months down the road, all that humility goes.

Same goes for those who achieved greatness and start to look at others in contempt. "You know, I now realise I'm actually this great. One class above the rest." and in three months time, "Err... do you think I can make it?!".

These emotional impacts that changes your character for a short while is like an adrenalin boost. Like a drug intended to make you be someone else. You can be like Piras Holtin who made a fool of herself saying "I'm humbled by my experience in jail." and totally returned to her old self within a week, or just take in the humility/contempt and do something great about it.

So how do we really utilise this alter-ego that sticks to us for two days to three months?!

When you are humbled, do good deed. Basically, do for people what you think will benefit these people. Again, since you're humbled, no names, and don't make them remember you or your face, or your name. Just approach, do a good deed, and leave. Why?! Coz' you won't be like this again the next time you're back to your old self and meet the same person who recognises you. Better remain a saint in his/her eyes, and disappear. When you are humbled, do something for the people.

When you are in contempt, er.. wait, some of you may not know the meaning. Okay, contempt is the feeling of regarding others as beneath you, inferior, or even worthless of being even in the same room as you. Okay, back to being contempt (the intensity varies in different people). When you are in contempt, you lost your doubt and fear, and you feel invincible and immortal. So, just jump in front of a moving car. No, just kidding. In this state of mind, you have total confidence. So, do the opposite of humlity. When you are in contempt, do something for yourself. Whatever you dreamnt of doing but were too afraid (should I say chicken?) to do, now's the right time to do it. Yes, there's still rejection, but you'll be too zoned out to even think that there's the slightest chance for rejection. This feeling will make you try even if it's 1% possible to even begin with. Go get to know that girl you've been eye-ing. Go challenge yourself in that event/task that you think you will fail in. A word of warning, DO NOT go and do something that takes a long time. "I'm feeling contempt! Hmpph... I'm gonna take my 5 years Ph.D. now! Grr...." That's not gonna work. In three months time you'll wake up saying "What the heck??!" If you were never ready to take a Ph.D., feeling contempt cannot make you take it. 5 years is too long to continue feeling contempt.

So, what do you do when you're back to your old self? Review how you approached situations before, if you like it, then try as best to change yourself and adopt what you liked about yourself. It's when you're totally normal again is when you can re-programme yourself to have a change in character.

CT, just in case you're wondering, no, I'm not going through a humble state or contempt state right now. Three of the people I know are going through a humbled state right now, it's good if they stay that way. But being humans, I have a gut feeling within 3 months they'll be as they were before their incident happen. Sorry to be thinking negative, I'm just looking at common basic human trait. It's true that leopard cannot change their stripes and zebras cannot change their spots. It's true that pumas cannot change their whiteness and polar bears cannot change their blackness. Hahaha.... and Dragonball Z characters cannot keep their tail hidden forever.

New Scam: Bonanza Form

2008-02-26T12:27:00.003+08:00

I've just received a phonecall with the communications as follows: -

Stranger: Hello, is this 01#-### ####?
Me: Yes
Stranger: I'm calling from Migrant Marketing (sounds like that). Did you fill up any form in Giant, Tesco or Carrefour in the past few months?
Me: Not that I can remember. Maybe or maybe not, because it's usually in a rush to leave, so maybe I did.
Stranger: Ok, because I received your form here. Your form was chosen to win two prizes, one is a 5 days stay in any hotel within Asia, and a RM350 shopping voucher for oen hypermart in Malaysia. Don't worry, this is not a sales or tele-marketing. We won't ask anything from you, only that you come over to get your voucher and stay for a 45 minutes talk.

Now, I'm familiar with this approach. They will try and convince you to purchase some kind of tourism package, or whatever package during that 45 minutes talk. Some talks are filled with thugs, some are not, but in this situation, you have all the power to request the talk to be held at cafes. Why? If they say that they need to use projector, say that you can just view with them at their laptops because all insurance and unit trust agents nowadays are already doing that. So why not these packages?! Also, right before you say "Ok", you must ask "The talk is only for me alone anytime?", if they say "Yes", later they cannot say "Oh, you must sit in a meeting room because others are joining you." Back to conversation.

Me: This talk, what are the times to attend?
Stranger: You can come anytime and straight away just sit for the 45 minutes talk and then collect your voucher.
Me: Okay, maybe I'll come during the weekend.
Stranger: That's good, ok, we just need a few information from you.

This is the place where the spider sense tingle. Earlier ones I don't mind so much coz I have friends who went for the 45 talk and walk out with voucher, albeit being scolded and pissed by the 'company'.

Me: What kind of information do you need that's not on the form you received?
Stranger: Like your full name?
Me: What name did I put on the form?
Stranger: It's not clear, so we need your full name.
Me: So, the only thing that's clear on the form is my phonenumber?
Stranger: Yes.
Me: Ok, please fax the form back to me and I'll write it clearly and fax back to you.
Stranger: It's ok, we can just take it via phone.

I knew then that this company simply call any phonenumber to start the scam, therefore I can easily lie about who I am. They don't even know my name!

Me: I'm a lawyer, so this involves some legality issues. I need the fax.
Stranger: The fax machine is in another department.
Me: That's ok. I'll wait.
Stranger: Ok, we'll fax back to you later in the day. I'll call you back after we fax. Thank you.
Me: How can you know my fax number when only my handphone can be seen clearly?
Stranger: *Hung Up*

Beware of random dialed calls. I think the next time, ask them your name and your address if they claim that you won something.

How To: Get Hard To Get MP*3

2008-02-26T10:06:00.005+08:00

This is my first How-To. A general background first, I'm one music listener who's not totally concern over a superb quality of an MP*3 to enjoy the music. As long as the music is good enough, without any interruptions and clear enough to hear the entire song and lyrics, just like listening to the radio, then it's ok.

I acknowledge that the best place to get old songs (and new ones) is from You*Tube. You can search for really old songs from Abba, all the way to overseas songs that generally does not enter the international market (i.e. France FIFA 98 song, MYMP Philippine band songs).

So, how do we download You*Tube movies? The EASIEST way is to download the freeware RealAl*ternative (which is a free RealP*layer) which does not affect legality in anyway. By downloading that software, whenever you place your mouse pointer on the movie, a "Download This Video" tab comes up. Then just click on it and download. (See Picture below)

You can actually see the video just using RealAlternative instead of getting Freeware FL*V Viewer (but up to your taste actually).

Next software to download is the Freeware FL*VExtract (searchable on goo*gle), downloadable at http://www.moitah.net/. Also free since it's Open Source, so no legalities issue to have the software. When you run this software, the window below appears.

You can click what to extract, so since this post talks about extracting MP*3, just tick on Audio, and then drag and drop the file onto the window. Straight away the MP*3 will be extracted into the same folder as the file.

Bear in mind that the MP*3 will be about 1.5MB (compared to a good quality at 5MB). For me, to have it in the phone to listen during leisure moment is good enough. Quality is not a major factor as long as it's listen-able.

Leader or Follower: Psychology in Slangs

2008-02-21T10:11:00.004+08:00

This is a question I was wondering about when I was driving to work. This post will end with a very open question, free for anyone to take up to make a research out of it if anyone's up for it. But please give credit to where the ideas came from, if it indeed came from this post.

When I was in Sabah, I continued my usual english speaking slang as I do in KL or any other places, but when it comes to speaking malay, I ended up trying (unconsciously) to imitate their slang, in bahasa baku and in their speaking intonation. At the back of my mind, I know they're not pleased with it, but somehow, try as I might, I always swerve back to their intonation. I guess sub-consciously I am trying to speak their way in fear that they might not understand if I am speaking the normal bahasa slang I speak in KL, albeit not much of a KL slang either.

Then I remembered speaking to a chinese national, whom I know he understands english very well, having listened to bombastic English presentation by an Indian professor and an English one. But, due to his slang and inability to conjure proper English words to articulate what he wants to convey, I ended up speaking like a kintergarten kid, choosing the simplest of words and semi-consciously and purposely includes broken grammars.

And then again, when I remembered speaking to some mad sailors, I mean mat sallehs at conventions, seminars and talks, though I don't speak the slang, I tend to also want to use bombastic words according to the words they use in their sentences. There are so many other times that I really find myself emulating the words they use, or the intonation that they speak.

Amazingly, I never stop to take note or realize whether they do the same thing when they're talking to me.

So, psychologically, am I a follower?!? No leadership to control my own personal manner of speaking?!?

Worth a study.

Paintings for Sale (Frames not included)

2008-02-20T12:29:00.011+08:00

Not many people know that I can paint.

This post is purely a commercialised post in trying to find buyers for my paintings. Please note that the paintings done are not the joe-average kind of paintings like painting of a house with the title "House on a Hill", or Koi fishes with title "Koi Fish Pond #1".

Nor are my paintings so detailed like those who likes to paint the ocean or paint horses and trees. It complicates the mind when they try to look at so many details. Consider my paintings as a relaxation method, to just enjoy the simple scenery that it brings albeit the modern-art-like names of the painting.

Consider the paintings like an aroma therapy, but for the eyes instead of the nose. Absorb it's simplicity and relaxes and sooth the mind.

From February until end of April of 2008, the painting is yours for RM75 only (original price can be up to RM200+++) but it comes with the canvas only, frames not included. Shipping costs another RM25 within Peninsular Malaysia and standard rates apply for shipping overseas. Insurance of the painting will cost more.

Only 4 Paintings for now. Please see below the paintings I have for sale.

Painting Title: Midnight in a Charcoal Mine

Painting Title: Camera Flash In Snowstorm

Painting Title: The Darkness Of Black

Picture Title: Step Into The Light To Heaven

Complaint Letter

2008-02-19T20:15:00.003+08:00

I was just clearing my emails when I came across a complaint letter I wrote back in 2005. I seem to notice that I really cannot keep out sarcasm whenever I write a complaint letter. My format is alway very similar: -
1. Explain the situation
2. Explain how the situation affect me
3. Blame the establishment / system
4. Give guidance to improve situation / Forgive (sarcasm part)
5. End by reminding to improve situation

Most of my parking ticket complaint (whenever the meter is not working) usually contains "Saya memaafkan kelemahan sistem pihak tuan. Dengan itu, saya memulangkan surat saman....." and I will be writing one to soon.

Anyway, below is a cut & paste (censored) of a complaint email that I sent in 2005. The email was replied by the GM of the restaurant, and then the COO of the corporation who owns the chain of outlet. I won't publish that email, but suffice to say that if we exert our rights as customers, we'll get what we want. We are lucky that we manage to get an email that we may print and give to any outlets who might cause problem, or else give him a call.

Dear Mr (censored),

This email is not to seek retribution for our bad experience in (censored), but to suggest that what happened to us does not repeat itself to other patrons. Please place yourself in my shoes while reading the remainder of the email.

(Censored) is our 'place', where my wife and I had our first date. We frequent (censored) at least once a month, and we save every one of our receipts dining at our 'place'. We have our own favourite food, my wife's being (censored).

My wife is now pregnant with our first child, and being pregnant, she would have cravings. Last month, she craved for (censored) and French Fries, so while at (censored) branch, we requested if we could have (censored) with a mixture of tortilla chips and fries. The manager was kind enough to grant our wish, stating that fries is cheaper than chips, therefore it was alright to mix the both, except that we're not allowed to top-up for more chips. We thank (censored) very much for that. We have a receipt to show our mixed order.

Today, 21st March 2005, my wife had the same cravings since noon. I requested an early leave from work to bring her to (censored), however, this time we were told that such a request has never been allowed. We argued stating that we were granted this wish before, but it was not allowed. My wife and I were too distressed with it, that she promptly canceled her order, and I did the same for mine, except that we've drank, therefore had to pay the RM18 for the two drinks.

This is not about the money. Tears shed today is something I will not forget. It hurts us too much. Her cravings were totally destroyed, and had no more appetite to eat. I'm very sorry that (censored) have lost a regular patron, as the hurt cannot heal. I don't mind if this happens at any other times, but not when my wife is pregnant as she is.

I do not blame the manager on duty today, nor the manager on duty the other day. I blame your establishment's system. Please standardise your rules and regulations. If specialised orders are totally out of the question, make it known to all managers that no requests is to be entertained. If all managers are empowered to have their own judgment and decisions, please tell them to state that "I cannot allow such a request during my shift as a manager here. I'm sorry." rather than "We don't do such thing." because I have a black & white proof that there were such thing.

I'm writing this email in hope that no other patrons face the emotional hurt that we faced today, especially in making their loved one, during a sensitive and emotional stage, felt so depressed and hurt. We wished that we were never allowed such a request previously, at least it won't hurt as it did today. We also wished that we're at least given one last chance for such a request.

Good luck in your business.

Sincerely,
(censored)

Son's Name

2008-02-18T10:50:00.002+08:00

A shoutout to KB. No worries about what transpired. It was an honour to me that you're comfortable to that level. Alah, macam a younger cousin je lah kan?

I'm trying to see how to detail out this post without really revealing my son's name, which will be difficult. Anyway, it doesn't really matter, just as long as I don't spell his name outright, 'google' will not be able to find it.

I knew that one day people will start having problems pronouncing his names. Just yesterday at a CNY Open House, it was difficult for anyone else to pronounce his name properly. So here, for my memory, and everyone's understanding to why his name is that, I'll list out the history of how his name came to be.

Early in the marriage, I'm already told that my wife would like a name that starts with the 'z' sound, but not wanting the name to be listed last in any alphabetical list. Therefore, we decide on a 'dz' beginning. At the same time, we don't want common 'dz' names like 'Dzulkarnain', 'Dzulfikah' or 'Dzulkifli'.

Therefore, instead of finding a 'z' sounding name and adding a 'd' in front, I've decided to find a 'd' sounding name, and put a 'z' sound at the front. So, names like Daniel, Darren would sound like Zaniel, Zarren, however they sound too awkward. I went through a whole list of 'd' names and settled on the name my son now have.

I am totally aware that without adding the 'z', it totally coincides with the name of the boy in Omen 1,2 and 3. In fact, when I first thought through the list, that name really came from the movie. However, it's just a movie, and just too unlucky that they decided to name the son of Satan with that name. At least I didn't name my son Lucifer.

Anyway, so that's how we arrived to his name. His second name is consciously picked out from arabic two-syllable words. We just changed the spelling to place another 'z' sound at the end.

Key Performance Indicators (KPIs)

2008-02-15T01:50:00.002+08:00

I acknowledge, understand and support the usage of KPIs in anyone's career, as it is a good tool to gauge a person's competency over time. However, I feel that while it helps give a clear 'goals' that lead to a 'bigger' goal for the company, there are one setback I faced a few days ago during a discussion. This setback does not bring to a disadvantage to a company, but it does lessen the overall result of what a company may get.

As a real example, few days back we formed a team to do a specific task. Now, this task involves meeting some people with the hopes that they meet up with us, and thus invest in us. This huge event have several teams set-up, and while our work do not overlap other teams, the results may. For instance, another team is in charge of a bigger scaled picture, to get huge organisations to meet up, and then to invest in us.

Our team, is supposed to go to 'other' places and secure a meeting and hopefully they invest in us. The problem here is, the sentence of "Team A has secured 'number of meetings' and 'amount invested' as their KPIs". This means that should we have the meeting, just because we're in the same company, the meeting number or the investment goes to Team A. To try to focus it down to just "Our KPI will be meetings and investment from organisations in this 'other' places" cannot work, because they may meet with us now. Then they take their sweet time, and six months later approach the organisation as a whole and Team A gets the KPI.

So in the end we dropped the KPI, and concentrate (and try to find other KPIs that other teams did not include into theirs). I find this lessen the earning power of the organisation, but for the sake of having a value placed on the team, it has to be done. Or else the team do the work, but it is never reflected as another team takes the results we obtain, then at the end of the day, our team gave 'nothing' to the company. Also, shared KPIs cannot be accepted anymore as our team was one of the last to be formed, sort of an afterthought.

Now, that s*cks. Hehe.... finding unique KPIs is quite a challenge.

Eldest Daughter (with 2nd eldest also a girl)

2008-02-14T16:18:00.002+08:00

Disclaimer: This post is PURELY by observation and experience only.

I acknowledge that I exudes a certain kind of aura that makes me untouchable. No, not untouchable as in "invincible", but people tend not to touch me. Maybe I look too serious, or I really emit some kind of message saying "don't touch me". I've noticed this for a very very long time. Some girls who tend to laugh at a guy's joke and hit him. Some guys like to lean their elbow on another's shoulder or back to look at computer/newspaper together. Some people pat each other on a job well done, or to perk someone up, etc etc. There's a lot of touches in a single day. However, I do notice very well that at times before a certain pat comes, it's held back. It's like they think "Hmm... maybe I shouldn't pat him." or something. Anyway, this is not an issue to me. So be it.

Ok, what's this about eldest daughter?? I wanted to write a post about this since middle of last year, but thinking about last Friday's incident, I think I'll just write about it. Why? Coz' eldest daughters (who has a younger sister) seem to be immune to this 'aura'. But I guess, it's in built in them. For brevity sake, I'll call these people EDWYS (Eldest-Daughter-With-Younger-Sister).

My first experience in noticing this EDWYS syndrome (haha, no lar, not a syndrome lar) is during a lunch meet I had back in Dec 2005. I think it was at DeliFrance, The Weld. I was halfway eating (with soup and all) when she suddenly said "Taste a bit!" and just plopped her spoon into my soup and tasted it. I was shocked (but didn't show it lar). As I got to know her better, ya, it seems that she can actually ask any men looking at her in the LRT "Yes, what are you looking at?" and these sort of things which usually other girls will just tend to ignore.

Then I met another two EDWYS, who seem to be able to treat me like a buddy rather than having that distance between male-female relationship. Like one of the boys, kinda-feeling.

Then, last Friday, haha... Queen Bee, I guess you'd never expect I'll write about you here. Anyway, last Friday, at a cousin-in-law's engagement lunch, this EDWYS who might be tired due to her pregnancy, leaned her head against my shoulder. This was a first! Eh, KB, I'm not complaining, just stating a fact. Of course in my own opinion, KB would have already summed me as a close cousin since I married her close cousin. However, I doubt any other girl cousins or cousin-in-laws whose not EDWYS would have done the same.

So, then, I did bring it up to KB, about whether it's true that EDWYS tend to have a different mindset when it comes to guy-girl relationship, a different kind of boundary within the friendship. That, guys are not so distant after all to EDWYS, and that they can easily be buddy-buddy with any guys. She recalled to having a friend who's also EDWYS, and is somewhat 'braver' in this kind of situation, be it with guys or life in general.

Anyway, this is just my view on EDWYS. Now that KB realises that I commented on Friday's incident (she doesn't know why I suddenly would bring it up the other day), don't be too conscious the next time you're being yourself. The other EDWYS is so conscious about me commenting on her "tasting of my soup" that she's even afraid to ask for a taste of what other food I eat the next time around meeting at lunch.

Weakest Human Trait

2008-02-13T01:00:00.000+08:00

I have to say, that the weakest human trait is their destructive imagination. It is so ridiculous. We take so much effort imagining the worst possible things that could happen to our lives and never put the same effort to imagining the best. And when we imagine the worst, the worst happens, thus a self-fulfilling prophecy or meeting the "Law of Attraction" like in the docu-selfhelp video "Secret". I'm not indulging in that last sentence anymore in this topic.

But seriously, why do we think so lowly of ourselves? We do we explain a situation by putting the worst in our mind?

"Hmm, the interviewers went out to discuss my asking salary. I'm sure they're laughing about it now. Nevermind, when they come in, before I'm humiliated, I'll tell them that I want less RM500 from my asking."

"He just wrote a blog about pity-monger. Does he mean me?!" - Hey, I'm serious. At least three people asked me whether I was writing about them.

"I've always been having breakfast with my buddy every morning. Why is it that this morning he even refused to talk to me, and then went out of the office for breakfast with another colleague?! What did I do to him yesterday?"

"Why even bother trying to get myself certified? It's not like I'm going to have a change of luck if I do. I might even fail, and that'll make me feel worse. Better just stay the way I am."

"There's no way I'm making the sales call to that guy. He'll surely close the door on me."

"That girl is cute. I thought she smiled at me just now, but I'm sure she saw a friend of hers behind me. I'd like to approach her, but nevermind. I'm not worth her time."

The destructive nature of humans imagining the worst is why I adopted Nike's "Just Do It" in my life since 1995. Instead of waiting for the right opportunity (where time will allow for more negative thoughts to settle in), Just Do It.

Real case scenario, approaching a complete stranger just to befriend coz' she looks pretty decent, and her looks ain't bad at all either, and doesn't matter what the future will be. That was a do or die scenario, coz' it was in a hotel lobby and she just checked out. So, Just Do It. Looking back at it, I didn't give myself time to stall and think negative thoughts coz' of the other motto I hold "If you think you can't, you've lost without even trying." and smaller motto that I used to tell a Johor friend "If you don't try, there's 0%, if you try, even on a 0.001% chance, you can hit." For anyone who really did try without planning or stalling, you'll notice that when you're 'doing' it (as in doing whatever that you fear), you see yourself from far. It's like, it's not you doing it, but someone else and you're actually looking at him from above. Zombie-like feeling. Anyway, to cut this story short, we became long term friends, even until now.

Real case scenario 2, my interview in the latest company. It was superbly difficult to go through two interviews sticking to my asking salary because I knew it was a ridiculous jump from my previous job, and I knew once they hand it over to the HR to process my application, further reduction is to be made. So, why reduce it willingly during the interview. But that question "Your asking salary is ###, isn't that high?" is really a killer, at least to me. But heck, my foul mood helped me not willing to negotiate. Hahaha... hmm... mood plays a factor in confidence and blind bravery, but that'll be another post.

I think we really cannot stop ourselves from this weakness. We will always, even for generations to come, will always have the tendency to imagine the worst possible outcome for any event. And I think sometimes that's good to plant your feet firm on the ground. If you're too aloof, thinking yourself too highly, you'll see those people in American Idol who are superbly confidence in themselves that they totally bluff themselves blind! And when they get thrown out, they fuss and cuss. That's an even worst way to grow up, to be supported blindly and love blindly by family and friends, no honesty and no critisicm. Back to the topic.

What I hope is that, we minimize this weakness. We need to balance it properly against real wisdom, things that we know, probabilities on a similar situation. Those who balance probabilities and accepts them do well. Just like a salesman who happily faces rejection because he knows that by the 99th rejection, he'll get one sale. At least he gets rejected, than stalling and retreating.

Hope the best in your life against this weakness, and if possible, use it to your advantage, however that is. Believe in yourself, and share with others.

Decisions Decisions Decisions

2008-02-12T00:05:00.000+08:00

In the current mixed thoughts and feelings after reading Paul Arden's "Decisions, Decisions, Decisions" thoughts (for the 6th - 8th time), as well as Wyclef Jean's lyrics to Sweetest Girl, I decide to just write another blog here.

First of all, we get rid of Wyclef Jean first. The beat of his song really caught my attention on radio, especially the "dollar dollar bill yall" call during the chorus, which I thought earlier was "yoller yoller bill yo" (as in, hollering out for a guy named Bill, duh!). Lyrics are good, quite deep. Interesting choice of a life situation to sing about, but I guess it only happens in the USA and other countries with neighbours not doing too well. I suggest you find his song on youtube, and check out the lyrics on any lyrics site.

Ok, to Paul Arden. This specific thought he placed was interesting to read at first. Just as a summary, he stated that there's no wrong decisions. Everything in life is about decisions, so whatever decisions we made, it's the right one. Why? Because if it's the wrong one, we would not have chosen it. He quoted "Everything we do we choose. So what is there to regret?". Why I revisited it again and again is because I feel there's a flaw somewhere in that logic. It's true that we choose to make a decision when we're at that crossroads. Then we make selective judgment according to our experience, knowledge and intuition. When we made it, there's no turning back. That's true. I agree. Nothing to regret.

This is true when it comes to current decisions and long-term impact-type decisions. Like what course to take. We cannot take law thinking that we might wanna do medicine. Whatever study decisions we've made in the past, cannot be undo and restart, unless you really don't mind another 3-5 years studying. Some people restart, and they do fine, but majority don't. Whatever choices we've made, we must stick to it, and eventhough we might think it's "the wrong decision", we can right it by continuing our focus on it. Stepping back will really kill our choice, and we might just think that the other decision is worst and come back to the first one. How much time would we have lost?

In The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift (Hahaha!! I can't believe I found one life's lesson in this show), anyway, in this show, the Jap dude (I don't care about his name) was looking down on a lot of people at the crossroads, and said something like "Look at all those people. They're letting fear lead them.", and when the white guy asked "What happened if they don't?", and the Jap guy answered (though totally out of the question), "Life is simple. You make choices and you don't look back." Now that's a way to go through life. At a decision crossroad, make a choice, and never look back.

But then many gurus say "You need to look back to know if you've made the right decision." I'm not gonna debate with myself on this. It's simple enough to note this fact. Back in 2003 when one Renault driver (I forgot who) tried to make sure Coulthard did not pass him in the Spain track, he actually went slower two seconds per lap. That shows that looking back, you move slower in front. I think, look back when you've hit a wall, or you see something that will bring you to a complete halt. No mouse runs halfway in the maze and turn back before reaching a dead end, so should we. What's a little challenge? Some people think the littlest of challenge means we've made the wrong decision.

I won't talk much on that, I guess the above pretty much sums it up.

The flaw in Paul Arden's thoughts?! A decision that involves another human, do generally brings to a 'wrong choice'. We see a woman chasing a man holding a handbag. It could be the man is the thief, but then again, he might be the hero, picking up the woman's handbag and continue chasing after the thief in front of him. We see two suitors for a girl, she chooses one; and who would have thought the one she chose was a faker, only intending to inherit her riches by giving all the false evidence of romantic and gallant poise of a gentleman. Decision that involves another being can usually be the wrong choice. That's my opinion.

Ethical Advertising & Cost of Luxury

2008-02-11T14:04:00.000+08:00

I was waiting for my colleagues to clear the check-in at Sabah's terminal, to go back to KL. Then I saw this bubbly kid, maybe about 4-5 years old running to a candy shop. Holding the RM5 in his right hand, he approached the counter guy and asked for "Chip" (the only word I could hear). He was going to buy Famous Amous cookie, and I knew that it costs RM6.90 for the first 100gm. As expected, the counter dude said something, and he pulled back his RM5 and clenched it in his fist, somewhat embarassed. He walked away still looking at the chip, and then an airport lady approached him. I heard words like "You going to be ok?" while she adjusted his backpack. Ok, I knew he was travelling alone. Someone wherever he's flying off to will meet him there. After speaking to the lady, he looked at cheaper candies to buy. What transpired next is to your own imagination.

That episode reminded me of a very unethical advertising done by either KFC or McD in the late 90's. It was about having a meal for only RM4.99! In the advert, it even showed one kid approaching the counter with the RM5 in the hand. Funny thing is, he got what he wanted. How about that 5% government tax?!

It's a wonder how the advert got onto the air at all. So many parties would have noticed the mistake (or consciously midleading claim), but I guess all wanted their share of the advertisement money that nobody cared. That time I was wondering if there was ever any kid who go to the counter and got disappointed because the real price for the meal was RM5.24 after tax.

Cost of luxury, as what hit the little kid who thinks that RM5 could have bought that cookie. Another friend from Kedah got into a shock when he bought two scoops of ice-cream from Baskin Robbins. My friends and I were too late to stop him when he approached the counter. It seems that major cities and major brands are a dangerous boon to unsuspecting people who places value of products from what they are used to. It's sad when it happens.

Another memory (back in 1994) of such a cost of luxury is seeing a mother of two kids (girl and boy) who bought 3 beef burgers (that time was RM1.99 each) and shared one drink in Ampang Park's McD. Yet another memory (back in 2003) seeing one poor child's request to TV3 was just to have KFC for the family.

I think I've repeated many times. What is common to us is a luxury to a massive number of people. I hope everyone, little kids, big kids, old folks, can experience their wish, and be happy, than be disappointed most of the time, due to the only limitation being $$.

Name

2007-12-28T18:24:00.000+08:00

I'm not going to go shaking spear (pun intended for Shakespeare) and say "What's in a name?". I have not read any white papers or research on this, but I absolutely agree to some opinions (sprinkled around in books I read be it non-fiction or fiction).

Your name is the strongest magic that binds your soul to your body. Think about it. It is the most repeated word in your first few months of life. Your mother says it, your father says it, your aunties, uncles, grandpa, grandma, strangers, etc. It is also said a lot during your final few months before delivery, whereby you practically exist in this world having your name drummed into you. It is the most repeated word said by you during your childhood (besides "I want! I want!") and most repeated word written by you during your childhood to school days. It is really the word that is most sacred and most familiar to you. It identifies you.

In the malay culture, (not sure of other cultures), it is used to discipline you. Whenever you get out of line during your toddler years and childhood years, your parents and even teachers would call out your full name before asking you to behave. Nearly all the time, when that full name is being called, your attention to it is different than just calling you by your nickname/at-home-name.

That being said, I urge all of you, to remember that should any ill luck fall on yourself, your loved-ones (and even myself if you now me), and the affected loses consciousness, to call out the full name of the person. I believe this generally will create a reply, no matter how miniscule that reply may be. I have no medical proof but it's just something I truly believe.

Strongest would be the calling from a mother (the most heard and most familiar voice during your formation in the womb all the way to childhood). For the adult and older folks, it triggers earlier memories of their innocent moments of childhood which brings a reply. "Mommy, Daddy", though called out by a very loved one, might not be as strong as a name. Therefore, use the name.

Easy Money

2007-12-18T13:59:00.000+08:00

Not a post. Just a thought and a question.

How many people in the world would take up this kind of scenario?

You reach work at 9:00am. You sit down at your desk, with only the computer in front of you. You can access the internet, but you are not allowed to visit any entertainment site at all such as sports, fashion or gossips. This also includes blogs, personal email, online banking and bursa saham.

You can only leave your place to go to the toilet, the prayer room and lunch from 1pm to 2pm. Doing this until 6:00pm, you get yourself RM120.

Would you do it? Would you do it for a week?

Learning of Concepts

2007-12-14T07:07:00.000+08:00

When my kid turned two, I was wondering what other advancement that will affect my kid. The first year was mainly a physical change from just lying down, to be able to walk. The second year was more physical change and development of speech and understanding of 'hot', 'cold', 'rough', 'smooth', 'tall', 'short' and other different physical attributes of items. So when he turned two, and knowing that even his weight did not shoot up as much as he did two years ago, I wondered, and actually asked a few friends what I should be seeing in the next one year.

Two weeks ago, I saw it. While books still describe "He would be able to pronounce 1,000 words." "He can finish a whole sentence of three words." etc, I'm not too keen on that kind of calculation results. I think this year would be a very interesting year to see him understanding different concepts.

Last year, whenever something gets damaged, it's purely a description of 'rosak' (spoil), which need to be 'baiki' (fixed). When something got smashed, it's 'rosak'. When his toy car tyre came off, it's 'rosak'. When something broke like when he broke a plastic ruler in half, it's 'rosak'. Now, he can differentiate 'rosak' as in electronically, 'dah habis bateri' (battery depleted), 'patah' (snapped) and a few others that doesn't come to mind now. Amazingly, new words also formed which I have not heard such as 'mati' (dead) and just yesterday 'cabut' (pulled off).

But wah... understanding 'mati' is scary. I wonder what he learned from other relatives. My guess is the 'mati' came from the aquarium fishes dying quite often. So now he could differentiate sleep and death.

Another concept is reasoning. My wife and I wondered when he would be able to understand 'why'. And now he does. Asking him 'why' when he says or want something gets proper reasoning answer. Another interesting concept is that he knows the difference between 'campak' (throw) and 'baling' (toss), which is somewhat similar in result but using different actions. Also there's 'here' and 'there' indicating far and near.

Slowly, he's learning colors now. And he just got himself a watch which he's eager to read what the dials mean. Let's see when my next post will be.

Pisau Lipat Man

2007-12-11T19:55:00.000+08:00

Pisau Lipat Man is not your typical superhero. I met him today. Different from Keluang Man and Cicak Man who I don't know how they're funded, Pisau Lipat Man is also an entrepreneur.

He roams the parking area around Masjid India, especially nearby the bridge at Jalan Bunus. Being a kind hearted fellow, he knocks on your door politely the moment you park your car and ask you how long you intend to park there. Yep, I met him today.

"Satu Jam (One Hour)", I said.... and he proceeded to insert his pisau lipat (small flip blade) into the coin slot and magically increase the parking time to 60 minutes. And then he says "60 sen" and shows his palm at you.

Though Pisau Lipat Man has no right to did what he did, knowing these people with super powers... if I insist on putting real coins into the coin slot, he'll unleash his "Pisau Seribu Mata" (Thousand Bladed Thrusts) power to my paint job of my car. So therefore, I gave him the 60 cents.

I'm sure this has gone on for a long time. City Hall must not have been thinking logically how a packed parking area doesn't give enough profit.

Closure

2007-12-10T11:09:00.000+08:00

I've always agreed to the rule "Complete anything you start", but more to the definition of "End whatever you start, or terminate it if you can't end it." However, easier said than done.

True, there are some that doesn't need to end. Just like a certain fantasy books I have been following and leaving to read the final book three years later because I don't want the fantasy to end. Don't want the feeling of watching the final minutes of Lord of the Rings, quite sad that the journey finally end for us fans.

Anywayyy... let's call this guy friend of mine as "Boy" and my good girl friend as "Girl". Some of you know who they are, so here, I'm also taking the opportunity to tell you why I did what I did, because I know (yes, arrogantly) what happened between the two of them more than anyone of us.

13 years ago, Boy and Girl got into a relationship when Boy was here for a whole year due to his parents working here. Then Boy left here, asking me to take care of Girl while he's away, which brings me close to Girl and we've been good friends, even now 13 years on. Boy however, failed to contact Girl and Girl has no way to contact Boy.

Two years after that, Boy contacted me, asked about Girl. He seems to still care for Girl though I don't know why Boy didn't try contacting her. So, I gave Boy Girl's contact number after telling Girl that her past wants to contact her. Later I found out Girl broke down on the phone when Boy contacted her. Guess feelings are still strong after 2 years apart. No more news since then. I never brought it up anyway.

Then in 2004 (8 years later) Boy contacted me, asking how I'm doing, etc... and still asked about Girl. I never told Girl he called because he has Girl's contact number and he can contact her if he wants, and I'm not sure if they did stay in contact after that.

Two weeks ago, Boy contacted me saying he's coming to Malaysia, and again asked about Girl. As I knew Girl got married already, I told Boy, and I told him that her number is only given to him if she allows it. So I called Girl, stating that Boy is coming and wondering if she'd like to see him. Boy is interested to see her but since he found out she's married, he was quite afraid of it. In conclusion, Boy has not gotten over Girl, and Girl has not gotten over the hurt Boy inflicted on her.

So, when I finally met up with Boy, I drove him over to Girl's town area to show him the old place we used to hang out, and I also told Girl he's around if she's willing to meet up in the middle of the night (2am). I knew they both would like to see each other but Boy is afraid to ask for it while Girl wants Boy to ask for it. I told Girl that it's quite certain that Boy dare not meet Girl, so if she want to see him, she'll just have to drop by where we were having a mamak drink.

Girl came, and they met, in front of me. Not being a lamp post here,... 13 years, things are over. But not having a proper closure (in terms of meeting each other face to face since then) is not good because it gnaws on both of them. My reason, to push for this closure is i) Girl needs to know that Boy is not the same person her old self was head-over-heels in love with. ii) Boy needs to see that Girl is happy with her life now. iii) Boy needs to close his own heart of still wanting. iv) Both just need to see each other to realize that things are done with.

Few days later, Girl is satisfied. Her young self is different from herself now, so she needn't wonder "What-if" anymore after seeing how he's turned out 13 years later. Boy on the other hand... still wants. It was his choice not to continue contacting her, brings to where it is now, similar to the phrase from Nelly's "Over and Over" featuring Tim McGraw... "I was too damn stubborn to try to stop you or say anything, But I see clearly now, And this choice I made keep playing in my head"

I have nothing against both of them, both are good friends of mine. Even then I think a little bit of intervention had to come in, for the benefit of one at least (though I hoped it will be for both of them to realize that the past is the past). So, Klang Dude, if you're reading this.... yup, our advice to Boy differs, but you never knew Girl's side of the story. It's one thing not to disturb the harmony of Girl, but it's another to close Girl's "Why?" to his leaving without contact which she carries for 13 years. Even then, I only created the chance, it's up to Girl to take it or not. But know this,.. though my own interventions can be a mistake as I'm also only human and very prone to make mistakes, at least both are happy for the chance to meet again.

Home

2007-12-05T14:05:00.001+08:00

Just to repeat, I have this fridge magnet I bought during my first year of marriage. It says "Bricks and mortar make a house but laughter of children makes a home."

Since I left my previous home after getting married, I have been staying in a house (ok, well, a condo) and hope to have my our own home soon. Though I stay here and my kid laughs a lot, it is still not a home. Not until it really belongs to me and my family.

Thinking about it again, a home is not really about a place. It's the mindset. When people say "home", you don't generally think of the house, or an aerial view of the land the house sits on, but the feeling of being in that house/area. They can smell 'home', feel at home, etc.... basically it brings to mind the feeling of belonging, secure, and where 80% of happy childhood memories reside.

Let me assume that this will happen to a certain 'crazy biscuit' who'll return home after being two years in NY. During the flight, once the captain says "We're in Malaysian air space.", the first sigh of "home" happens, either on her lips or mind. Having to enter a country where she belongs is first feeling of home.

Then as the plane land on the tarmac and she gets off, she'll drop herself to the ground to kiss it, "ahh... home". But the airport personnel will say "Oi, you're kissing the carpet lah. You're in the arrival chute."

Then she'll meet her families and friends carrying placards stating "Welcome Home, N". Japanese anime fans who gets into the arrival hall will wonder if the famed Near or "N" of Death Note is for real. Anyway, once she hugs her family, another "home!".

At home, once she drops her beg and lie down on the bed with bedbugs carrying small placards stating "Welcome home, food!", she'll sigh her final "Homeeee.... ahh.." and just lay down there for about another half an hour. Everything in place; feeling secured, happy, smelling her favourite food being cooked by her mum thus reliving memories of the past, all constitute to finally being home.

Now, for some it's not home just yet. "Oh, need to call my friends out!".... the final piece of home,... social belonging. :D

Me..... my hopes is that in the future, home is where I fine solace, create memories, the place where I can be all I want to be. And the place where when I open the door, I can smell my wife's Soto Ayam. Hehehe....

EFFORT

2007-12-03T16:21:00.001+08:00

In my honest opinion, and this opinion is actually more of a belief to me, is that...

EFFORT is the greatest weapon in any male's arsenal in getting a girl to fall in love with him. Problem is that most sincere guys have no guts doing it, while scheming ones are having a field day with it.

What I'm writing is purely based on experiences of myself and people around me. Examples of these efforts which usually begins before a relationship bloom (or before a girl falls into his trap) are those that usually sacrifice time and ego. After being friends, the next steps will be long phone calls (most guys do not like being on the phone for too long), picking up and dropping them home to go offices (this is superbly common), driving all the way to another state just to see them during the weekend where they're staying/having to work the weekend, bringing them dinner when you know they're not well, and many many more.

They seem like a very sincere gesture, no crime there at all, but it's the same 'sincere' gestures that scheming guys do as well, which I don't particularly like. I've had my fair share of this 'effort' experimentations during my college days, and yes, it does work. But no, to set the record straight, I don't bring it all the way to a relationship, but to a good friend stage for those I'm particularly fond of (not romantically).

Anyway, I really have to say that all girls do have to watch out when they see these efforts being done to them, especially from a guy who have just known them. Let's not talk about the evil scheming ones to try to get in her pants, but those who really want a relationship pronto (means fast).

The efforts, though as sincere as they may be is not really sincere. The act of effort is based on emotions, passion and aggression to cut down the time it takes to really get to let love nurture itself slowly. Guys, you yourselves should take note of this, as I also have taken note of this.

In most relationships, the effort of a guy starts to decline the moment it goes to the next step; a relationship. And then efforts in relationship declines further when it goes into marriage. I can throw this question to a hall of ladies and at least 90% will agree. I am also a culprit of this, on some efforts I might have done (at that time sincerely, but cannot keep up with the sincerity).

In my example, I guess it'll have to be the phone calls, which is usually common and long, but that's due to my high interest to get to know everything I want to know about my girlfriend, but still, yes, that effort declines because I know my girlfriend enough already and just need to contact to be abreast on what each other is currently doing. At least now that we spend our nights together as families, communication is still there. Nevertheless, I admit that this effort declined.

Guys, before you drive off to surprise your girlfriend (or still a friend) who have to work outstation for the weekend, ask yourself if you'd do the same happily when you're a husband. If at all you think it'll be a chore, then don't even start. It does pain your girl/wife to see your romantic actions start to diminish as time goes by. I myself have no qualms about driving far just to reunite with my wife.

Domestically, I find washing the dishes is utterly boring, so I never started to even put effort in washing dishes during my first few times at my in-laws place. Though it sounds so bad, I think it's the right thing to do. I wash dishes only when it seem necessary, like not to trouble others to wash after me.

Clothes is another story. Ironing clothes, folding them and then stacking them into categories is as normal to me as breathing. So I have never minded doing them, nor look at it as a chore. Same as making milk in the middle of the night.. but that's a question whether it's a chore to tend to my child or not, not about wife. Sorry out of topic a little.

I truly believe that while effort creates feelings, it cannot be used purely as a 'pemangkin' or 'accelerator' to having things happen in a relationship. Because all relationships are to be improved, not declined, and I have to remind myself of that too all the time. If you think that a certain action (domestic chores or just picking up your spouse during a late dinner) is a chore, then either don't even start doing it or if you have to do it, then try to enjoy it. A friend of mine repeated a saying to me, "If you have to do it, might as well do the best of it." This reminds of of learning History lessons during my school times, hahaha...

What if you do it? What if I tell my wife that I'll wash the dishes after every dinner?? Well, on one hand it's a sacrifice of love, on another it's something I don't like doing. What will happen is that one day I'll get fed-up and then I'll just stop doing it, and it will disrupt the harmony of the jigsaw puzzle of marriage that you've already built. If you want to sacrifice putting effort into something you volunteer to do, then make sure it will remain that way for a looong time. Don't volunteer to change a part of your routine just to make your spouse happy, coz' to stop doing it will create unhappiness.

Wish you all the best. Be good in putting effort, know that it's a great weapon. Hello to the dude who drives all the way to Penang just to meet his then girlfriend (now wife). Hope you keep it up. And beware of insincere efforts.

Business Integrity

2007-11-30T16:19:00.001+08:00

It is usually around this time that I get tons of calls for hotel packages. Let's see, since two to three weeks ago, I got a call from Nikko Hotel, Buffet Club, some-kind of Getaway Package, Westin Hotel and another two or so. They really seriously exchange contact numbers amongst themselves which is why the full salvo hit me.

My cousin is very much against me 'layan'-ing them, but I tell him that "It is my rightful duty to ensure that I help spruce up their image and business by noticing any faults in their tele-sales person." It other words, if I have time and I get somewhat disgusted by their introduction, then I'll really layan.

I've written about this before, just to repeat. I dislike the following; i) asking for my full name and then introducing themselves and then introducing the packages WITHOUT even bothering to ask if I have some time. ii) Talk about the benefits and kept going "Isn't that great!", "You save a total of RM50, wow!" and other weird fake-excited remarks. iii) Ending the introduction with "So, what would you like on your card." Wat-deff??! I didn't even say nothin' and they already wanna take my money.

Anyway, if they're friendly enough I say I'm not interested, however this one guy just takes the cake.

Tuesday
Him: bla bla bla.... but sir, just for today only, and today only, I'm throwing in 3 bonus vouchers for you which are bla bla bla...... what would you like to appear on your card?
Me: (I ALWAYS do this to tele-sales person). Can you fax what you have introduced to me to 03-#########? I need to check my recorded conversation with you against the fax for any discrepancies.
Him: Okay, I will call you again tomorrow, sir.

Wednesday
Him: Have you received my fax?
Me: Sorry, I'm too busy to read it. Can you call Friday instead?
Him: Okay, sir.

Friday
Him: bla bla... so what do you think?
Me: They are interesting, but since I'm not getting the bonus vouchers anymore, this is not worth it already.
Him: Sir, you will be getting the bonus vouchers. Since I made the phone call to you on Wednesday (he got the day wrong!), the voucher still stands because it's related to you.
Me: But you called me on Tuesday and said that it's the last day. Means there was still bonus vouchers on Wednesday?
Him: No sir, I meant Tuesday. Wednesday no more already. (Stupid lame lie to cover up his own ass.)
Me: My friend just signed up yesterday, how come he said he's getting the bonus vouchers you mentioned? Means it's part of the package already isn't it?
Him: Mmm... I think he has another higher ranked agent who can extend the bonus.
Me: Nevermind then. I cannot do business with a company that has a very questionable integrity. Thank you.
Him: It's really an interesting package, sir. Maybe it's not the time yet for you, I'll call you again in a few months time. (What-deff?! Looks like the company don't have a comeback answer for what I said. He totally ignored my statement.)

Though I was in marketing for property, at least I never go around saying "If you sign up today, you get bla bla bla" crap, coz' when I do say that, it stands. The very next week the rates changed and too bad. There are always white lies in sales, but having made statements like that, it really disgusts me.

I'm waiting for the next phone call after another agent also said "If you sign up today only, you're getting a bonus supplementary card." The thing is, when you ask for them to fax and say you're gonna discuss it with wife, lawyer, etc, it automatically makes them have to call the next day, and that statement risks them.

Evil? I don't think so. I'm training them to be more honest in their white lies. Haha... ya right.

Gaming vs Reading

2007-10-29T09:40:00.000+08:00

I was a gamer and still a gamer. Teenage life was a lot of visits to the arcades and spending nearly 16 hours in front of the computer playing online games. I still cringe seeing my online account stating that I've played 4000++ games (where each game is a minimum 10 minutes length). That's like a few weeks down the drain. I know that gaming does not lead me anywhere (unless I'm in Korea and I'm a good gaming strategist), so I view it more like a hobby, a sort of entertainment, but 16 hours of entertainment per day is bad.

So now, I still game, up to 2 hours per day and as little as 10 minutes a day. I have to suppress my gaming habit. And then there's reading. I've just finished a 800++ pages book on fiction, and I'm 200 pages into the 2nd book of the trilogy, but then it gnaw on me that... hmm... finishing this trilogy will also not lead me anywhere. Therefore, is reading fiction same to gaming?

In my mind, I just try to note the positives and negatives of both activities. Gaming (the kind of game I play at least) involves quite a bit of strategic thinking and not just pure click click click. So I guess it helps in thinking on my toes, as oppose to click click click where people claim it improves hand-to-eye coordination. But then again, it doesn't really help in securing jobs or create income. Online games however, I do notice that if you're social and professional enough to make sincere friends with those you meet online, it does help business (rarely, but it happens). These friends who I met online are also gamers with family and career responsibilities. Not purely teenagers. There are a few fathers, some high-level execs and others, but in my opinion the most advantageous in knowing them is that should you visit their country, most of the time they willingly welcome you to the extend of wanting to meet you at the airport.

Ok, back to topic. Reading, while it improves imagination (how does that help in life improvement?), it helps in sentence structuring and vocabulary. So, while I'm being entertained, subconsciously it helps me be a better writer. And that's the thing.... since I'm reading a lot, I SHOULD use that education to earn some income, as an article writer or even an author (if my imagination is good enough or I remember factual experiences).

So there, just a hanging post this time.... just thinking if reading brings me to the same level as gaming. I think they're of the same level, it's what you do with what you learn and how you're entertained I guess.

Stuck

2007-10-27T23:23:00.001+08:00

I have three topics in my mind to write, but when I'm on the second paragraphs on all the three topics, I stop there. Can't seem to continue. One is a movie review, one is about friendship and the other is a story. I'll try again when the writer in me wants to come out.

My Personal View on Life Insurance

2007-10-06T23:39:00.000+08:00

I had this insurance discussion twice, and the latest was with someone just two weeks ago, and I think it's worth sharing my opinion.

The following are purely my own opinion on life insurance (and other human-related insurance) and what I've taken (with regards to insurance itself) from my own perspective, a logical perspective with superbly limited knowledge on financial dealings on this topic. Insurance to protect purchases and loans (ie car insurance, fire insurance and MRTA) is not included in this post.

My personal view is that Life Insurance is purely to continue supporting those I'm responsible for during the duration that I'm no longer able to sustain an income for these people. They include my parents, my wife and kids. Therefore, I take life insurance so that, should I return to God earlier than expected, there will be money to continue what I could have given them myself if I'm still working.

That being said, when I get approached by insurance agent asking me to get insurance for my wife and kids, here's my thought about it.

Wife: Though I love my wife dearly, I do not think life insurance is needed. Should she return to God earlier than expected, the ones who would actually need additional support I believe would be her parents. I think I can take care of myself and I can take care of my kids. With that in mind, I think that my wife's savings and ASB is able to take care to support her parents.

I then only took insurance for critical illness insurance including a 3-female-killer diseases (a lumpsum payment to be received should she be fated to contract them), whereby these insurance will support the medications and whatever else during her life.

Kids: I'm very uncomfortable when insurance agents ask me to get a RM100k life insurance for my child. Though they claim it's a lot cheaper to begin with (coz' he's not smoking, etc), to go for a RM100k insurance for my own child is like wishing for him to die so that I can take that money. I sincerely will not trade his life for a RM100k. What?! Do I really need a RM100k support should he return to God early??

No, so, the only insurance I took is hospitalisation and medication insurance for him. That is, in this modern time it's quite often that children gets sick and has to be hospitalised. At least the insurance then cover the room cost and some medication costs. Again, the insurance here is during "his life".

Therefore, in a very short summary, I believe that when God calls me to go 'home', I leave money for my kids' education, my wife's future spendings should she wish to retire early, and for my parents for their old age's spending. For others in my family, the most important thing for an insurance is to take care of the unexpected costs during their 'living'.

Of Colleagues, Acquaintances and Friends

2007-10-04T08:18:00.001+08:00

This post is dedicated to all work mates in my life. Though there may be those that I've not the chance to properly get to know, I cannot deny that at least a part of their aura of influence have touched my life.

I have been working for more than 7 years already in four different companies (one being on 1-year contract). Though I’ve not worked long enough, I've noticed quite a similarity in all of them.

On the first day of a common employment, everyone you see at the workplace is your colleagues. Then acquaintances start to form, usually due to being in the same vicinity, department or related work matters. Here, I'll take my experience in the latest company I worked in as an example.

The first person you see is usually the HR Manager, who then introduces you to your boss you're working for. Your boss will then get his assistant to introduce you around your department. In this case, the first person I really got acquainted with was the assistant. After that, your first task is given, and in my case was to finish up a proposal with a newly introduced colleague by 5pm the same day. Another acquaintance here.

Fast forward, as the first week go by, you'd have at least 5-10 acquaintances. You would have asked them questions, lunched with them, and casual talk as well. Out of this 5-10 people, sub-consciously the third level of the 'hierarchy of needs' starts kicking in; your social needs and sense of belonging. Psychologically you begin to seek like-minded people, looking for that personality click which brings to another level; friends.

I'm not sure with some of you, but in my experience, within two years, I would have no more than three to five friends from the company. The others will remain pure colleagues or acquaintances. A "friend from workplace", in my definition is that, someone I do not attach the word "ex-colleague" when I mention them. That is, I'd use "Oh, my friend said the same thing last time" rather than "Oh, my ex-colleague said the same thing last time." A friend is someone who has reached the level where you don't associate the company with him/her anymore, and they tend to be someone who's still in contact with you long after either one, or both of you have left the company.

In my experience as well, there'll always be some colleagues who I've not even spoken to at all in two years. I blame that on being introvert. Haha. Anyway, here's the difference between just colleagues and acquaintances. Acquaintances are those you have their mobile phone numbers in your hand phone, but to contact colleagues, you usually call the company line.

The point here, being human, you cannot escape the cycle of friendship, even though you’re in a non-social place. At the same time, being in that non-social place, you would not have enough time or energy to befriend everyone, without disruption to your own productivity. Thus the communication topics will relate around work or sometimes just a chat of opinions about current issues, and hardly are there questions about each other’s life. Lastly, there also will always be those you would recognize the face and sometimes name, when you see them in public, who you would just raise your eyebrow or smile to acknowledge them, but no words would be exchanged.

Such is the complexity of relationships. :D To all my friends (whom I got to know from my workplaces), keep in touch, and wey, bila nak jumpa for makan lagi?! To all my acquaintances, together we'll put the effort to keep in touch, but my sincerest apologies should Time splits us up as pure ex-colleagues again. To all my colleagues and ex-colleagues, good luck in your life and God willing, we'll meet again.

To everyone out there, thank you for being a part of my life's history.

X Marks The Wrong

2007-09-18T21:35:00.000+08:00

It's been quite some time since I last saw an "X" on a piece of work that I do. I believe the last time was in school last time. Today, after many years I see several "X"s on my report which I handed to my superior. The only difference between then and now is that she marked the "X" to show that specific paragraph or topic is to be canceled. Most of the time, in my corporate life, when a paragraph is to be canceled, my superior would just slash across it diagonally.

This may be a repeat from a very old post of mine, but it requires repeat. I noticed back in my school days that in my higher secondary, most of my work doesn't have an "X" anymore. That doesn't mean that I got perfect score, but teachers usually put a "right" on correct answers and leave no signs on the wrong one. I believe to indicate a "wrong" to someone somewhat reduces the person's self-esteem, though he may not notice it. Subconsciously he may think himself stupid for getting something wrong.

This is the repeat... most computer games for children do not state a "wrong". Yet, when they go to Standard One and just about to start learning, they'll start with a lot more "X" than a "right". Computer games are careful that when a child gets something right, he is rewarded, but when he gets a wrong, it states "Sorry. Please try again." It comes to show that every mistake can be forgiven and can be learned from.

Yup, though we have a "Correction" or "Pembetulan" while in school, we're already scarred with that "X". Worst yet, in secondary, most teachers tell us not to bother with "Corrections". It's true, if we can make "Corrections" to learn from our mistakes, we should do it for all the test papers we sat for.

So, in the end, is it really dangerous that we do not teach "wrong" when young? Imagine facing your first "Wrong" at 8 years old, as compared to 3 years old. I think it's better to face it at 3 years, so that you know how to face it when it comes later, while you still have your loved ones around. At 8, in school, you have no one to turn to.

I don't know. Is it wrong to state that someone is wrong, but they can just fix it after acknowledging it? I don't know. This calls for a thesis. Anyone wanna take it? Just do an 6 years study, one group of parents never stating that their child is wrong, but just for them to try again, while another telling them that it's wrong, and it's alright, but let's try again. When they enter Standard One and face their first wrong, how do they take it? And then perhaps extend it to another 3 years and see how they face life after their first "wrong".

Value vs Act of Theft

2007-09-15T01:24:00.000+08:00

Scenario time again.

1. A colleague borrowed RM5.20 from you to pay for lunch. Next day he returns only RM5.00 to you but never mention anything about the 20 cents. Do you let it go, or do you ask for it?

2. If just say you have a 5 years old son. Is there a difference in 'education' or 'punishment' you would deal to him if he takes RM5.00 from your drawer compared to him taking 20 cents from it?

For #1 I'd remind him that he borrowed RM5.20, though it sounds like a total child. It's just to remind him in case he actually forgot. Then it's up to him to pay up, or like some people they 'friendly beg' saying "20 cents only lah, no need lar." For #2, it is imperative that my son is educated that the act of stealing is itself wrong, even if it's 1 cent. It may just lead to a more dangerous future if he's not taught.

Personally, to me, an act of theft itself is enough to justify punishment disregarding the actual amount of theft. Of course, there's a huge difference between asking a huge burly man who just stole your RM3,000 against your 30 cents. I won't risk my neck to get back 30 cents. But let's just say that you're totally in control of a punishment, do you actually give a more lenient (however you spell it ok...) punishment just because someone stole 20 cents?

I'm not sure about our law (perhaps I'll get a lawyer friend to comment on this), but does a judge actually say that 20 cents is too ridiculous to have a court hearing and let the criminal go, or does the criminal gets the same amount of jail time as those who've stolen, say, a laptop.

I read a couple of months ago that a thief was jailed 7 years for stealing a handphone from someone who was making a call, just grabbed it from her hand. If someone swiped a 70 cents change from my table while eating at mamak, and I give chase and manage to capture him (and get my 70 cents back, just like the girl gets her handphone back), can I justify that he should also get a 7 years jail?

I'm not sure. Deep down inside I think the act of theft itself is punishable at the same degree no matter the value of amount stolen. This is also disregarding any other crime that is usually involved such as possessing a gun, assault of security guard, etc. Just the pure act of stealing.

KJY, care to put your two cents in?

Sh*t Smell

2007-09-13T08:51:00.000+08:00

On Sunday while my wife and I was on the way to get breakfast, something occured to me, and the conversation went something like this.

Me: You know, ear sh*t smells, the soft plague on the teeth smells, of course our own sh*t smells. How come our nose sh*t don't smell?

Wife: Maybe we're too used to smelling it?

Me: Hmm... could be right. I guess that's why babies cry when they start breathing. The first smell they get is the smell of nose sh*t.

Now it got me thinking again. If your nose sh*t don't smell because you're too used to the smell, would other people's nose sh*t smell bad to you? I don't want to find out, but if anyone would like to conduct that experiment, do tell me the result.

Mental Lapse

2007-09-06T14:59:00.001+08:00

I was in a personal scary situation the past 6 days. On Saturday evening I had a rather major headache (pin-sticking type) at the back of my head nearer to the right ear. Sunday it got worst with pins every minute and I was unable to concentrate on the road I was driving on or even remembering things. Every pin pain reset my current thoughts.

I was MC on Monday. On Tuesday I came to work. My colleagues believed it's due to short-sightedness but since I am not, I got a little worried. The pain started subsiding Monday evening, but the effect of the headache carried on until yesterday evening.

In a personal panic situation, I find myself grasping for words during my conversation. I'm not too sure if a certain colleague of mine, CT, noticed this problem I had during my conversation with him during lunch and office hours. To me personally, every time it occurs and I have to find another synonym to use, there's just a state of slight panic. Like asking "What's happening to me?!"

Though there's no pin pain, ok, I prefer to use the better word 'prick' which totally described how the pain feels like, but that word "prick" has been mutilated to be of another meaning. Just as a "nice clean soft pussy" brings one meaning to a 5 years old girl and absolutely another meaning to a 30 years old man.

Back to my story, though there's no pin pain anymore, the mental lapse remain. Sometimes I forget what I'm doing. Worst of the lot was looking at my ringing phone and wondering what's it doing lighting up and making noise. At the moment I forgot it's a telephone. Sheer panic. Hehe... but I hope I'm ok now.

This is just purely a diary entry.

The Two Seas

2007-08-23T16:53:00.000+08:00

In my blogs, I'll also share several natural facts/knowledge that really caught my interest in my life. Such of these are like jet streams (winds traveling over 200mph way up above the clouds), East Australian Current (a corridor of current traveling at 7 knots by nature), etc.

What I'd like to talk today is two famous seas very much mentioned in the Islamic and Christian scriptures. It is said that there exists two seas that is beside each other, but the contents of the seas do not mix with one another. That's what I knew previously, upon careful research, this is the story. Any mistakes/errors are purely a mis-representation of facts from various documentations/reports I read. I try as much to do a proper cut and paste summary from what I've found.

What you see in the photo here are two lakes (which is actually in called a 'sea' from ancient times, but categorically it is still a lake) that is actually connected by River Jordan which goes through Syria, Israel and Jordan. I won't go to the beginning of the river, since there are four difference sources giving water into the river and all gather at Lake Hula, near the border of Syria and Israel (but I don't know which country it really resides in).

Now, the Sea of Galilea (also known as Tiberias Lake) is 213 meters below sea level (2nd lowest lake in the world) and water flows 25km downwards from Hula Lake through River Jordan. It is a freshwater lake, a very popular resort area in Israel, have very good flora and fauna and abundance with fishes.

At the south tip of the lake, the River Jordan continues its journey to the Dead Sea (420 meters below sea level, being the lowest lake in the world). Interestingly, there is no outlet from the Dead Sea.

The Dead Sea, in Palestine, Israel and Jordan has no problem with water spillage due to the high evaporation rate against the very low rainfall. In fact, in these few years, the water level is getting lower as compared to earlier years. It is the second saltiest (11 times as salty as the Mediterranean sea) place in the world where only unique creatures thrives. It's high saline content makes anyone lying down in it floats without any problems, and no floras or faunas, or fishes can live it the waters.

A quick summary on the reason why Dead Sea do not get the same 'life' from River Jordan that Sea of Galilea gets is due to the water movement in the Sea of Galilea. It seems that as the water travel south in Galilea, the vegetation started to be of a saline vegetation, and this issue is growing rapidly northwards. Scientist blames this on the channel that diverted water in 1964, which damaged the eco-system.

I won't delve into a thesis on this story. It's just to give an overview of what I was trying to seek an answer to. Practically just to quench my question on the story of "The Two Seas that don't mix" that I've heard in my childhood days.

Extortion

2007-08-19T07:59:00.000+08:00

It's funny that the first time I ever got extorted (asked for money in a threatening kind of way) is when I'm 28. Now that my son is two, his run is already faster than my walk. So, yesterday while waiting to tapau food from a mamak restaurant near my parents, he ran out of the restaurant heading along the walkway of other shophouses (inclusive of closed ones). I never gave any thought about anything as others are also walking by, though it's quite dark.

However, just as we reached an alley (between rows of shophouses), someone approached me from behind asking for RM1 to buy rice! Huh?! Anyway, I continued conversation asking in malay "Wanna buy what?", while picking up my son, and doing a quick analysis of his wellbeing. Shoes, very badly tattered. Bottom of the pants totally off coloured, being soiled and never washed. This was a homeless dude, meaning he's got nothing to lose and desperate, that even RM1 is important.

I reached to the back of my pants to pull out my wallet, careful not to flash it (coz' asking for RM1 also should be a ploy to get a wallet in sight and I don't want a risk of him grabbing my wallet and running away) and while the wallet is still at my back, managed to flip out my smallest note (lucky I arranged it that way from left to right). To my dismay, my smallest note that night was RM5. Heck with it. Put back my wallet, take it out and handed it to him and walked away. As he was flinching to get a closer look at his RM1 being green, that's the best time to leave.

Two advices now. Firstly, not to let your child wander to where can be risky to any security threats though you're very familiar with that place. Secondly, learn one-handed tricks. :D

To The Heartbroken

2007-08-16T11:29:00.000+08:00

What's ironic is that in most broken relationships, in 5 to 10 years and you look behind to that event, you can laugh it off. There may be some tinge of pain still, but you will view your actions as childish and immature, if it were acted on pure impulse of emotions. Some people will ask themselves, "Why did I do that?" or "Why am I so affected by that jerk?!".

In my honest opinion, during the break-up event itself, there is no such thing as being immature or childish.

I'm writing this because in the past six months, there has been more than three friends who have faced this event and they are each coping with it in their own way, which I totally respect. However, one or two of them are thinking that they should be stronger.
This is my view and my advice. When you are in this event, and you feel like crying, go and cry. If you want to cry in the showers till your knee buckles from pure disappointment, go ahead. It it totally okay to act upon your emotions and letting it out on your own. This is the time to totally live in the present and relive the past, remembering fond memories that will no longer be repeated.

The future, put it aside and let time heal you. "The sand of time shall reshape the dune." I created that when I wanted to forget someone, but it is useful for all events.

There is a warning however, and that is to never act upon the emotions to create negative consequences. This comes from blaming ownself, being vindictive or even 'trying to get him/her back by being getting their attention'. Cutting oneself on the arm, breaking things, throwing your temper to your close and loved ones, will only affect the future.

If you are the cause of the break-up and you're happy about it, suits you. If you are both victims due to circumstances, just cry it off. There's no reason for negative reactions. If you are the victim of being left behind, the LAST thing you want to do is to suffer for someone who already don't care for you.

If you were to cut yourself, and drink poison (just say) and get yourself hospitalised in hoping that he/she will look you up (which she/he might or not, but it's no more their responsibility to do so), then you are the one looking for trouble. You'll waste money and you'll waste time and you'll waste health.

The best thing to do is cry it off, live as best as you can, cry it off again, live again and wait, cry it off, until TIME heals you. Do not hurt yourself, never ever hurt yourself or the people around you. Yes, you do need someone to show you some attention, since you've lost attention given to you, but do not impose it to them that they should.

Hope all the best.

Friend Helping Friend

2007-08-13T22:10:00.000+08:00

Two scenarios came up when I was having a discussion on “helping others” which in the end to me ends up “helping the pity-monger” last week. Yes, I have to be crude on calling them pity-monger.

1. Imagine yourself running a marathon with your friend beside you, no reward, no money, just to end a run. You see him trip and fall, but otherwise ok. What you do as a friend is to help him pick himself up so that he can continue the run. What you must not do is to help him up and carry him to the finish line.

2. You and a friend got stranded on a raft in the middle of the ocean. He totally believes that you two won’t be rescued. You’re just praying you will be. In his situation, he jumps off the raft, so that he can end things faster. When the water hits his face, he realizes he’s meeting death, and he gets scared. Being unable to swim, you jumped in after him and pulled him back to the raft. Three hours later, he does the same, and you rescue him. Another three hours later, he does the same. The question here is; when do you stop rescuing him and let him die?

I’ll be blunt. In scenario 2, after I try talking sense into him at least two-three times and I myself get exhausted from the heat, I won’t go in anymore. Not worth risking my life to save someone who wants to end it over and over again. Unless I have a rope, I’ll just tie him to the raft to make him totally immobile.

Basically, scenario 2 came up because my friend gets a nearly-daily phone call from a pity-monger. Given up on being happy, she constantly calls him to whine about being unhappy. He will go through all means to make her happy (at the start) and then she feels better, and then days later, rinse and repeat. At times, coz’ he has his own sets of problems and own life to live, he just give her a piece of his mind, but still he feels as if he’s responsible for her. So, he’s asking how to go about this? This IS exactly the same scenario 2, whether you like it or not.

In our lives, we are conditioned to be on one side of many attitudes. Just as an example is ;being prompt (good), but dishonest (bad). Some are stubborn at changing for the better (bad) but never fails to deliver whatever tasks is given (good). Diligent but lazy. Passionate but hostile. With tons of different virtues, we all do not belong to the good ones, there always will be some bad ones. Nothing wrong with that, however…

Pity-mongering is one of the worst diseases. It comes from stubbornness to change. Problem is, it is a human basic need under the Pyramid of Hierarchy of Needs. It starts as a baby/toddler to “get attention” from parents. I have to admit, being praised for studies, for intelligence, career path, from friends of parents is something to be happy about. You bask in the warmth of the praise. Sadly, some of us cannot accept that this will end. When this ended for me, it was an awakening; feeling of lost but freedom. It’s like suddenly asking yourself “Were the things I do in the past purely to satisfy my need for attention?”

Pity-mongers cannot accept the lost of attention. When life goes down on them, they seek friends. The more a friend shows attention and care to their situation, the more they need this friend. Whenever the ‘good juice’ goes low, they call their friend to life their spirits up. The worst part of this is, they call with the SAME problem, but expecting DIFFERENT advices/methods of cheering up. I learned back in 1991, from Lawrence Walter Ng’s seminar, that “Stupidity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results”.

Pity-mongers have not grown up. They expect to be enveloped by love and care, and be shielded from all hostilities and evil. The world is NOT like that. LIFE itself is a test, and amazingly, people actually failed at living. What’s funny is that the ones who fails at living are those born totally in a comfortable or good situation; not born in a country at war, in famine, extreme hostile conditions or even without parents.

How you face pity-mongers is up to you, but if you do not have any responsibility for their life (ie. not a nurse to a patient, not a psychiatrist to a mental patient), then you do not need to make sure their life is good. Imagine this scene. Peter finds life totally sucks and called John daily for advice. John being so mild-mannered gets bullied by Peter at least two hours daily to cheer him up finally won a lottery ticket after 5 years. Peter never called John again. John in fact, wasted 152 days of his life on Peter. Yes, John in compassionate, but he gave Peter fish everyday instead of teaching Peter how to fish. Your ONLY responsibility towards pity-mongers is to educate them enough for them to move on, if they refuse to move on, leave it be. Sorry, but just leave it be.

In my personal opinion, pity-mongers have one failed issue in their life. Once any human being started working, only three areas affect their lives; finance, health and relationship. Pity-mongers failed in relationship by failing to understand what relationship is (not purely on husband/wife or girlfriend/boyfriend, but also employee/employer, master/pet or worst you/stranger. If your life is affected negatively by a stranger, that does not constitute to you losing yours and your loved-one’s life or mental health, please see me. I will smack your face so hard you will realize what stupidity you got yourself into.

Example of you/stranger that you should not bother: - i) Being honked at and given a finger while on the road (and other road-related anger that doesn’t damage your car or make you late). ii) Being laughed at for asking a question a person thinks is stupid. iii) Mistreated in public by people who thinks they have authority. Etc etc etc. If the only effect from the above is a bruised ego, and you spend more than two hours being affected by it, go look yourself in the mirror and do a Chris Rock’s “F*** YOU.” Ego is not an ingredient to happiness though many believe otherwise.

I will write another pity-mongering related post some time on “Unconditional Love” which I believe is a double-edged sword, a gift and a boon.

Superman's Psychiatric Letter

2007-08-06T14:42:00.000+08:00

Doctor Sivaji, a world-reowned psychiatrist received the following letter from Superman.

"Doctor,

My name is Superman, but my real earth name is Clark Kent. If you think that my name is Christopher Reeves, Dean Cain or Brandon Routh, please refrain from reading further, as this proves that you're more in need of psychiatric help than me.

I have a huge problem. While the general public are in awe at what I can do, some being jealous and some even want me killed, I'm actually very cursed. What I'm about to tell you will make you laugh your head off at me because you'll finally notice my greatest flaw, and then you won't even feel like having the powers I have. No, it has nothing to do with my underwear. It's a Versace thank you, and I'm proud to show it off, but at the end of my letter, please let me know if I should keep my eyes or have them removed.

Doctor, I'm dirty. No, not in the porn kinda way. But I'm not hygienic, must less hygienic than the rest of the world. Do you know how difficult it is to fly at the speed or sound, having seeing all the micro-organisms splatting against my face? All the ameobas, paramecium, etc having their insides splat against my face? At the end of every journey, there's like millions or them, some dead and some moving. It is very disgusting to be able to see the millions squirming on my cheek, my nose. Sigh... that's why whenever I fly, my lips are tight. You will never see a picture of me flying smiling showing my teeth.

That's not the worst thing. Toilets! When I leave toilets, they are cleaner than when any cleaners finished with their cleaning activities. Though the previous sentence sounds bad with three "clean" words, I'm serious!! My super nose sucks each and every bacterias and viruses everytime I breath in. Imagine while gelling my small little 'S' hair looking into the mirror, I see multitudes of spores and tiny little things flying out of the urinals and into my nose. I've X-Rayed my body using my supervision and you don't want to know what's in there. Why do you think you don't really see pictures of me eating as well! I'm always full!

Please help me.

Superman."

The Hill

2007-08-03T23:35:00.000+08:00

The following story is written in two different versions, one being the long one in details, while the other is a short version as a summary to the story. If you're not the kind who likes to imagine described events, just scroll down to the short version. The storyline, sadly, is not original.

Long Version
The trees around the valley started swaying, in tune with the dry and crisp wind enveloping the trunks as is to give a slight hug before moving along to the next tree. The sun, though shining brightly with yellow hues has not contributed heat to the grounds, confirming that the day was still in the morn. A blue jay has just landed on a tree branch, above a small hilltop overlooking the valley. Just below, it spotted two figures, in motion inching closer as time passes. 'They are heading in this direction', the bird thought, chirped and flew away.

"Are you okay carrying that?", asked a feminine voice, only to be replied harshly by a masculine tone, "Of course, what do you expect?!" The girl, freckled-faced in her blonde ponytail just rolled her eyes. Jillian Smith was always fond of her clumsy brother, however, she feels that he doesn't give her credit to what she can do. 'He still treats me like a little kid, unable to be independent', she yells at herself inside. She looked up only to notice a blue bird fly away into the sky, and then smiling, she looked at her sibling to see if he noticed.

The two siblings seems to take masculine and feminity to the extreme end. One is totally into manly sports, such as american football, basketball and ice hockey, his sister is into ballet and gymnastics. His room is painted blue while hers is pink. Seems so much like a fairy-tale but this has been their life since their parents strictly brought them up in proper gender enviroment the moment they found out their neighbour's son turned tranvestite.

'This is not heavy at all, but it will be. Why is she making such a fuss over it? Is she afraid that I'll let her carry it once it gets heavy??', Jackson spoked to himself. Having excelled at all the sports he gets involved in, he is only aloof during competitions. Outside of his games, school mates find him very friendly and helpful. Girls adore him, but only to ride on his fame at school, nothing more. Like his sister, he too has freckles on his face and wears spectacle during class. "I will only wear this specs in class!", he told his mother when he first got himself a pair. "You'll be clumsy without it! You know how difficult it is for you to even see the sidewalk!", his mother snapped back.

Today, Jackson did not have his spectacles on, just in case. He would like to look his best to his classmates if he chanced upon them. He was just thinking of the girl he adored when his sister shouted,"Jackson! You're swaying off the road to the grass." He collected himself upon noticing that his shoes started to get soiled by the wet grass, still not affected by the sun. "Ah crap", he cussed at himself, "Let's just hasten our steps."

In just a few seconds they reached the plateua of the hill. "Here's the water bucket", Jackson shouted. "What?! Why me? I knew you were going to do this to me!", fussed his sibling, as she continued ,"Just get it yourself! I'm just tagging along to make sure you're ok." With that Jackson moved towards the wooden circle on the ground at tossed the bucket into it.

Moments later he pulled up the bucket, with water filled to the brim. "Alrighty then, let's head on home", hollered Jackson.

Short Version
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water.

Manifestation of Who You Are

2007-08-01T10:29:00.000+08:00

What we are now is basically a product of how our mind thinks, what actions we did and what believe system we were, a few years back. However, due to the greed for instant gratification, we end up being what we are today no matter how much we intend to change.

It's sad to note that a positive gratification takes a lot longer time as compared to a negative gratification, err... no such thing as negative gratitude, but I hope you get what I'm trying to say. Simply put, a simple example of a quick negative "gratitude" is by slapping a complete stranger in the streets. The best example would be trust, which everyone knows that it takes many months to build trusts but one short-term event to destroy it. For real-estate point of view, it takes two years to build a condo, and only a week to level it to empty grounds.

Okay, enough of examples. I constantly need to remind myself that to reduce weight, I need to exercise regularly. I've failed many times. It's because of that "instant gratification" that I'm after. Two weeks of exercise and stepping on the scale to see some kind of results just doesn't cut it lor... so what happens? Demotivation, then stop exercising until I watch Rocky 2 again. Ohh.. must drink 6 raw eggs. That's where my mistake is, and then the whole process starts again.

I've always believe, ok, not always, but as of 2005, I started to believe that it takes at least 4 years of constantly doing something positive to finally achieve a result that you want, and then a bonus will also come in without you really asking for it. Why 4 years??? It's just a believe, just because I see that AirAsia did it from scratch and reach a crazy milestone in 4 years. So, where does this put me in terms of exercising? (note: this is purely just ONE part of me that I want to change, not really a desperate one as compared to finance, etc).

First of all, if I can put into discipline a routine of exercising at the same time with increased intensity, and be motivated for 6 months, something good will already come out from there. Putting another 3 1/2 years, I'm sure from a goal of "exercise to lose weight and keep fit", the bonus will jump in. Man, I can be a runner. Joining marathons after marathons trying to beat my old times. That's a boost to the personal ego as well! Sigh, men and egos. Eat your heart out, 4-years-ago dude.

Now if only we all (including myself) can just start something constantly for four years. It may be a long time, but really, it's not that long when you see one year passes by and hit yourself in the head saying "If only I had one year experience on bla bla bla....". Let's just kill the "If only" and really start something.

Good luck to all of you, and myself too.

Hypermarkets with Promotions Budget

2007-07-22T22:56:00.001+08:00

The latest controversy regarding bookshops in Malaysia not willing to sell Harry Potter's last book due to the hypermarkets selling it below distributor's price is even mentioned in Wikipedia.com under the heading "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows". Interesting.

To my personal opinion, it is a very good economic move by hypermarkets to actually make a loss of about RM5 per book just so that people will swarm the outlets. They will in the end purchase other products of the hypermarket which will easily set-off the 'loss' from selling the book.

Legally, it's totally sound. Ethically, no. Not to me at least. But ethics goes to the back of the alley when it comes to profiting in most business. Unless it affects the business in the future, they will go all out on getting profits at the cost of ethics. In the current case, the hypermarkets have just made good friends with Harry Potter fans in Malaysia, and made enemies with bookshop owners.

However, being in Malaysian and its culture, there will be no public protest or even placards or revenge from the bookshop owners. I bet the CEO of Popular, or Times, or even MPH would just visit Tesco or Carrefour for their next groceries shopping within a week.

However, let's look at the strong capacity of hypermarkets. They are allowed to sell ANYTHING, this means that when one single product suddenly become soooo hot, they can just throw it into the promotions budget and still get a profit from any of the "single product" purchasers' visits.

Should Star Wars suddenly come out with a compendium of all 6 shows with extra footage and it comes hot, hypermarket would just slash about 10% to 20% from distributors price and make a loss which eventually would make good earnings. Heck, just a month ago even motorcycle was sold in the hypermarket competing against motorcycle shops out there.

Sigh, the force is strong in hypermarkets.

.....

2007-07-20T11:07:00.000+08:00

Countdown has begun as at 12:00noon today.

Countdown

2007-07-18T12:01:00.000+08:00

At this current juncture, there is an 85% chance that the 'countdown' will begin this Friday. However, the percentage is many times more volatile than the stocks on our KLSE 2nd Board, because this morning it started with 70%.

Happenings throughout the day will decrease or increase it, and actually it increases more than it decreases from these events/happenings. Total idle time will actually decrease it slowly.

As long as it hits 90% by Friday morning, the countdown will begin.

HP Live Chat: Review

2007-07-17T10:50:00.000+08:00

I'd have to give a thumbs up to HP today. I was browsing websites seeking for notebooks, from Lenovo, Dell, Acer, Fujitsu, BenQ, Sony, HP, Asus and Twinhead. While looking through HP, I'm a bit disappointed at the non-availability of a search features to shortlist notebooks with the specs that I need.

After looking through three different models (out of about 31 models), a pop-up appeared asking if I would like to have a live chat with a representative to help me out. I clicked yes. The downside is the message below while waiting...

We are experiencing a high volume of chats currently. All representatives are currently assisting other customers. We apologize for any inconvenience. You are number 1 in a queue of 1. Thank you for your patience.

...which came, like, several times. After about 10 minutes or so (I wasn't waiting of course, since the window will flash when someone replies), the chat continued. I'll list my chat session to show the capability of their live chat session to judge for yourself. They even waited for me for several minutes as I was in the loo. :D And I even checked whether I'm talking to a real live person or not. Hehe...

You are connected with HP's Pre-Sales Consulting Chat Service. My name is Lilly. How may I help you today?
Lilly: Hello and welcome. How may I assist you today?
Lilly: Are you with me?
Lilly: Still with me?
Lilly: I have not heard from you for a few minutes. Do you still need me to keep this chat conversation open for you?
you: Hi, I won't take too much of your time. It's difficult that the website don't have a search function to shortlist products. I'm looking for a notebook with Graphic Card at least Geforce 8600M GT or Quadro FX Go 1400 or Radeon X1700/X800XT.
you: Size is not of importanct
Lilly: Glad to help you today
you: importance*
Lilly: May I ask the country you are chatting from?
you: Malaysia
Lilly: Thanks for the information
Lilly: Please hold on for a moment while I check that up for you.
you: Ok. Thanks. Am I talking to a live person or an artificial intelligence?
Lilly: I'm a live person :)
you: Okay, thank you. I'll wait. Just that your replies seem scripted just now.
Lilly: Sure...
Lilly: Will be back with the information required.
Lilly: I'm back....
Lilly: Thanks much for waiting
you: No problem.
Lilly: You can look at the
Lilly: HP Compaq nw9440 Mobile Workstation
Lilly: HP Compaq 8710w Mobile Workstation
you: Can I know which is the cheapest amongst them?
you: Are you able to look that up?
Lilly: These are the models that come with NVIDIA Quadro FX 1600M card
Lilly: Let me check on that for you
you: Quadro FX 1600M has higher stats than those I've listed. Thanks for the list. I'll wait for your answer on the price.
Lilly: Thanks much for waiting online
Lilly: The HP Compaq 8710w Mobile Workstation- Models are a bit cheaper than the nw9440 work station models
you: Ok. That's about as much as I need to know. Thanks a lot, Lilly. You made my search simpler.
Lilly: You're most welcome
Lilly: It was a pleasure assisting you.
Lilly: Bye & take care.
you: Bye...
Lilly: :-)

It's good that websites have such a proactive assistance to help users browsing their sites.

One Year

2007-07-16T12:56:00.000+08:00

Now that my son is going to turn two years old soon, I've quite upset to note that, by making a quick glance-back in my one year (since July 2006), I'm not proud of what I've achieved. While I'm happy to have a business started-up and quite a generous increment (but not bonus), I find that since I lost the building which I was taking care of, I'm looking for the end of the month for my salary to further improve on my financial health.

Now, while it may seem to be good that I'm lowering debt and increasing investment, the most unhealthy thing is that I totally let go of the 'days' that I'm going through. It may seem nice to think about "12-months pay totals to bla bla, that's good, and furthermore there's increment and bonus", but thinking one year ahead in financial terms, we totally forgot that it also adds a year to our age.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that my days are spent uselessly. Not at all, my weekends are great, and my home time is very very good. But my career hours is totally useless coz' I'm below the "average mood" level at all times since 1st June this year. If this crappy mindset of "looking ahead to better times by earning what I'm earning but being unhappy at work" sets in properly, I'll look behind one day and realise I've lose 5 years of life being rather unhappy 8 hours a work-day. That's BAD!

So, I'm totally ready to release that 8 unhappy hours per day for lesser earning power, but at least my health will be good. At least then looking back 5 years from now, I can see that my 5 years during that 8 hours are healthy. Though I'll live up to my destined 150 years old :D, 5 years is still a lot. That's 3.33 percent of my life being unhealthy during daytimes. So, well, it's time to reset.

Timing has to be perfect though, because once the clock starts, by doing my "Give N Go" letter, I have 3 months of "no leave allowed". Hari Raya is on the 13th-14th Oct, which means it's not easy to take leave during that time while being in the notice period. And also, should a nice building suddenly turns up for me to take care, it's too late.

Anyway, intuition always lead you to the correct direction. Will update again on "Give N Go".

Victor's Diary: Day 5

2007-07-14T22:31:00.000+08:00

Dear Diary,

Is it 9:30pm. I didn't go to school today. I have very high fever whole day and now still lying down writing this. Yesterday I thought my brother wanted to wake me up after I sleep to tell me a secret, but I was wrong. No actually I was right, but something is wrong.

Right before I went to bed, my brother came in and say he's tired and he's going to bed already. Diary, I share a room with my brother. His bed is at one side of the wall and I'm on the other side, so when I turn to my right, I can see him sleeping on his bed. We divide our room with invisible line in the middle of the room to put our things. The room door is at his side of the room, about one meter from feet side of the bed, but facing the wall to my left and not facing his feet when he sleeping.

Anyway, I think after midnight he woke me up. "Victor... pssst.... Victor" he said, so I woke up still groggy. Even the room lights he didn't turn on. So while I still lie down looking at him bend down to talk to me, he tell me not to tell anyone what he going to tell me. He said, if I can remember clearly is "Victor, just remember that when it's suppose to be red, it is actually green." When I ask why he talking nonsense, he repeat again the same thing. I think he must be crazy so I just say "Ok ok, that's all? I want to sleep already." Then he open the door and went out.

I shout at him saying "Hey, where you going?" when the door closed. So, I jumped out of bed to open the door to ask him where he going to late at night. But when I open the door, my brother said "What are you doing!? Sleep-walking ah?" and when I look at his voice direction, he was in his bed. So I ask him how come he go out and come back so fast and so quiet? And he said I'm crazy, or maybe have weird dream, because he's been sleeping all the time.

So I scream running to Papa's room, but no one was in. I remembered, maybe Papa not home yet so I went to living room see Mama just wake up hearing my scream. I ask her if she got see my brother come out of room, but she say no. But she did ask why she hear me open and close door and then few seconds later open again.

After that Mama told me I fainted and in the morning when I woke up I was at hospital, Papa just only got me medicine for high fever. I wake up wrong time also, because right after that doctor inject me saying that it's for my fever. Papa and Mama ask me why I fainted, but when I want to talk about it, I find I got no voice.

Until now my voice not yet return and everytime I want to write message to them saying what's wrong, I remember what happened and I just cannot write to Mama. What if Mama say it's just a dream and then I get more angry and sad she don't believe. Mama just about 10 minute ago say good night to me, Papa not home yet still and my brother sleeping over his friend house tonight because tomorrow is weekend.

I really hope it's nightmare and I don't get it again. I want to sleep at living room with Mama but I think I just sleep here with door open. I hope I can sleep, diary.

Victor - 13th July 2007

Movie Review: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

2007-07-14T03:17:00.001+08:00

First of all, a background. I have tried reading Harry Potter books before, and the furthest I went was two chapters. I cannot relate to JK's style of writing and therefore have opted to just watch the show though it may not totally capture the exact story in the book. This is expected coz' Lord Of The Rings really did not follow the book much and added a lot of flair.

Secondly, I'll do a quick review on GSC Cinemas. The reason I managed to catch the show at 11:45pm, on Friday the 13th July 2007 is coz' GSC's website allows me to choose the showtime, where to sit and then pay for my ticket upfront. I reached the cinema at 11:50pm, gave the number to the ticket guy, grabbed the ticket (already paid for) and head to the cinema. No queues, no hassle.

Now for a non-spoiler review with one photo (which would not really spoil it anyway).

The show is darker than previous movies, which I like. Special effects are a lot more smooth this time, very smooth in fact, really very smooth. One very good example is that teleportation through a fireplace thingy which will come up quite a few times in the movie.

Videography is much improved, with cameras capturing panoramic view of earth and sky in one scene, another scene of a neighbourhood (being able to see the road and houses aligned at both sides of the road) and very good camera movement ala similar to running down Saruman's tower in LOTR from the rooftop to the ground as well as cameras reversing from outdoor to indoor through window panes like Panic Room.

As mentioned in interviews, no Quiddich (I don't care how it's spelled) this time around. Less character developments on the 'naughty' boys, but other characters' development went very well such as that of Neville.

I have to complain that two areas of the movies are left hanging, which you will notice by the end of the movie. They involve 'wrong judgment of person' and 'arrow in the arm'.

Superb acting by Alan Rickman (as Snape) as always in all four previous movies as well. His comments are to die for "Getting sentimental, are we?" and "I could vomit." Another superb acting by newcomer Evanna Lynch (as Luna Lovegood). Others actings are just as expected such as Helena Bonham Carter is as good as is expected of her. :D

Lastly, the best scene in the movie, if I could freeze frame, is when they're in the place as in the photo below. However, in this specific freeze frame (that I find really nice), is when the camera gets a shot of all of them with Luna near left-centre looking over her shoulder while others are looking at what's behind her. Nice lighting, nice camera movement and timing in capturing that 3 seconds shot.

That's all. In summary, not a disappointment at all for a grown-up to catch this movie. The duration I suspect is about 2 hours, because while the movie started a little late, I got into my car at 2:15am. Do watch.

Victor's Diary: Day 4

2007-07-12T23:47:00.000+08:00

Dear Diary,

It is 9:30pm. Papa came home early today at 6:00pm. I was very happy that I took my test paper that he haven't see yet and showed to him. He patted my head saying that I'm very clever, then he went into his room. But then after dinner, he went out again and now not home yet. I think he really trying to get more money for we all.

At school my friend again ask me for money. I tell him I don't have money, and even if I have money I won't lend him until he give me back my money. He say I'm lying that I have no money, but I really didn't bring any money today because Mama made me my lunch. This morning she woke up early to make me nasi goreng. Then he told me to better bring money tomorrow. If he ask again tomorrow I'm telling teacher. I really starting to be scared of him now.

At dinner I reminded them that we are going out for my birthday present this weekend. Papa promised that we will surely get it this weekend. I hope so. I also told them that there is a boy in my class who like to bully people ask for money for lunch. Papa ask me if I got bullied, but I tell him no. I don't want Papa to get angry with me for lending money in the first place.

My older brother is going to tell me a secret later. When I lie down just now, got paper under my pillow saying "After midnight I'll wake you up, I need to speak to you. Shh... don't tell anybody about this." I wonder why it's so important I must go sleep first then only he's going to wake me up to tell me secret.Did he do something wrong or what? I don't want to get involved if he ask me to handle his problem.

Good night, diary. I tell you tomorrow what my brother going to tell me.

Victor - 12th July 2007

Victor's Diary: Day 3

2007-07-11T22:26:00.000+08:00

Dear Diary,

Now is already 10:16pm. I'm going to sleep already but first I want to talk about what happened today.

Actually, diary, I'm very sad. This morning Papa didn't say anything about my test paper. Maybe he didn't see it last night and this morning so I ask Papa if there is anything nice in the fridge. He went to the fridge, open it and then he say nothing interesting inside. Then he said he's late for work and straight away went to the door. Mama just look at him.

At school I ask my friend back for my money, but he say he don't know what I talking about. I said I lend him 5 ringgit yesterday he say "Where got?". So I told teacher that he don't want to return my money. So when teacher ask him whether he got borrow my money, he say no, and then teacher look at me say next time I don't lend money to anyone. I don't understand why teacher didn't ask him to return my money. I'm so sad. I'm not friending him anymore.

At lunch he come to me again say he want to borrow money but I tell him no, and then he told me that tomorrow he return 10 ringgit instead. But I'm smart now, I tell him tomorrow he surely will say that I didn't borrow him money. He got angry and push me hard to the wall and tell me next time I better be careful. Why he acting like that? His mother didn't give him enough money to eat?

Three more days to going out for my birthday present. So happy I can't wait. Papa is not home yet, again. Mama is going to wait for Papa at the couch again in front of tv tonight. Sometime I don't know why Mama must sleep there. The bed is always more cozy. Anyway, good night diary. I hope tomorrow is good day for me. Today is bad day.

Victor - 11th July 2007

Victor's Diary: Day 2

2007-07-10T00:00:00.001+08:00

Dear Diary,

It is 10:11pm. When I told Mrs Lim that I start writing in the diary she gave me already, she said I should write what time it is when I write. So now I include the time now in my diary.

My test this morning was very good, I got an A+! Teacher gave me three gold star stickers on my test paper I was so proud I brought it home to show papa and mama. I know they will be proud of me. When mama saw it, she say I did a good job. But I waited for papa until 8pm he still haven't come home. Then mama said to eat dinner first, no need to wait for him because he's busy tonight. I eat a lot because very very hungry.

Now I'm going to sleep already, and my test paper I put at the fridge. I hope papa see it when he comes home later. I don't understand why he must always work so late. At least I see him a lot on weekend. Today Tuesday already, can't wait to weekend to get my birthday present.

Oh, one more thing, diary. Today I didn't have lunch, because my class mate ask to borrow five ringgit from me because he forgot his lunch money. I say can only lend him two ringgit, but he say he's very hungry. I must remember to ask him back for money tomorrow.

Victor - 10th July 2007

Victor's Diary: Day 1

2007-07-09T15:22:00.000+08:00

Dear Diary,

I'm so happy my teacher gave you to me as a present. I think eventhough it's late because it's already July, at least I now have my own diary. What to write first, hmm? I think I introduce myself to you so that you know it's me whenever I write in you.

My name is Victor Ng. I'm now evelen years old in Standard 5. My birthday was last week Tuesday, but I didn't get any present yet. Papa wished me only on Wednesday morning, he said he was too busy to notice the date. Mama wished me on Tuesday evening, but she say she not yet buy my present, and promise to get one during weekend. But during the weekend, they went out to wedding sand didn't take me out. But they promise me they will get my present next weekend. I mean, this weekend.

I have one older brother and one younger sister. My brother is in Form 2 and my sister in Standard 3. Both of them also forgot my birthday but I forgot their birthday too, so it's fair and square. I think that's all I write in you today, I need to study for tomorrow morning test. I will write more tomorrow.

Thank you for coming to my life, diary. And thank you Mrs Lim.

Victor - 9th July 2007

Temptations

2007-07-05T10:42:00.000+08:00

Two months back, I was browsing through a book at my doctor's clinic and I came across a very interesting short four-points article entitled "Questions to ask before we sleep." Seriously I can only remember two questions, I guess the other two was not interesting enough to commit to memory: -

1. What knowledge have I acquired today?
2. What temptations have I resisted today?

Question 1 is quite standard. My wife knows that I stress on learning something new everyday, even a single english word with its meaning and usage is considered knowledge.

Question 2 is interesting. When I browse through the memories of the day, yes, there have been tons of small and huge temptations that comes into your life. Three things that jumps in first in your decision making tree are common sense, moral values/principles and the general effect on you.

It's really sad that the word "Temptation" is generally on a negative vibe. "I'm tempted to eat that creamy cake." "I'm tempted to punch you in the face." These are more often used than "I'm tempted to open a business than working 9-5." And you will never hear anyone waking up in the morning saying "I'm tempted to utilise my entire working hours being 100% effecient." Eeee...

Most of the time, the three factors above would already have decided to stop a temptation, fialing which, a final decision making factor comes in; "lust/passion/want versus impact/consequence", or easier to put it, emotion vs logic, 'heart' vs brain. I know when it comes to food, emotion kick it rather strongly for me! That mayonaisse looks real good, though it's bad for health, I just have to have it!

How about other temptations? If I were to get a 'gift' by choosing one contractor over another, I know the consequence is zero (hardly get caught) but principle will kick it (is the money clean?). If I decide to finish watching a morning show and be late for work (general effect on me, because it's not my principle "to be early to work"), I might face consequence when my boss looks for me. All the four factors in going resisting temptation are inter-twined.

Common sense flies out the window during a rage. If I punch that idiot, I'll be questioned by the police, and a lot of hassle will start, but it's my principle that anyone who insults my family to my face, they will answer for it. Principle flies out the window when emotions/curiousity gets too strong. And as many people have different sets of principles, there are many different sets of opinion whether something is a temptation or just a norm.

Back to the main post, what temptations did I face in the latest waking 18 hours of my life? There's food. There's browsing internet/laze around vs doing work. There's tv/computer vs playing with my son. There are tons, in fact, and we face it over and over again, day in and day out.

But yes, I seriously believe is it good to question oneself that question before bed, because it reinforces decisions made against that temptations into principles, and the temptation will eventually cease to exist. Just like smoking, a norm to some, a temptation to others, and just like a piece of pebble at the roadside (totally no interest) to me. Though I've tried it due to curiousity (temptation ain't it?), I'm just lucky it never end up a daily temptation.

Why The Cheese Is Tasteless

2007-07-03T14:23:00.000+08:00

Before I was requested to assist in Research, a certain lady which I'll name her M was looking forward to have someone assisting her. From my understanding, she already has 10 research papers to finish up and with about three research assistant under her, what she really wants is a research writer so that I can perhaps take about 3 of the research papers to unburden her load.

Old habits die hard I guess, she only gave me ONE to take over. To me it's fine, taking over one is not so bad, and so I did, processing all the analysis into proper context in the papers. After two weeks, what really stumped me was the request that "Can you print what you have done?". That was an awkward request, we have a shared folder for her to just check on my work and add in whatever is necessary.

Anyhoo, I printed the 32 pages of work which I handed to her. As expected, due to her busy schedule, she took three working days before coming back to me with her comments. I was expecting a lot of suggestions to improve on the writings or research, or some things to strengthen the context. However, what came back was only 30% suggestion, and 70% sentence construction therapy?! Writing is like cooking, no two cooks are alike in their ways of cooking or presentation, and no two writers express information the same way, albeit it being professional. Two lawyers writing a report on the same matter will have the sentence structure totally different, but having the same information relayed.

Now, since my sentences are bungled to sound the way she wants it to sound, I might as well just bring myself back down to a research assistant and leave all the writings to her. As bold and aloof as I may sound, I really do not belong at research assistant level as I know my competency in delivering this work. Even my CEO do not change my sentencing when I wrote a monthly 2,000 words report to the Landlord of the previous building I was taking care of.

So, well, here we have someone who I was during my college days. Refusal to have a 'different' style of a report which will convey the same professional information. Exactly the way I changed my team mates codings and indentations to be of my style during my computer project days.

What goes around comes around?? I don't know, but it's really tasteless now. Not only do I need to analyse information, but I now have to write sentences according to her style. I can impersonate the actions of at least two colleagues in my office, but to impersonate a writing style is something I cannot do unless I know the person very well.

Music Memory

2007-07-03T08:09:00.000+08:00

It's been a month since my cheese was moved, and I nibbling on it daily for the past one month, I can confirm that it's tasteless. Anyway,... since the last few posts are a little weird, I'll dwelve into my past for a short while.

While I'm an avid Hitz.FM listener in the morning, after 10:00am whenever I'm driving, I'll tune in to Hot.FM. Basically, since I'm more prone to enjoy music of the last 80's to mid 90's, that's where I can get to listen to them. While Light N' Easy do play music from that era (wrong word, "from that timespan"), I do wanna listen to rock-and-roll type of music too.

One song came up, "A Whole New World" from Aladdin's soundtrack. Threw me back to my Form 3 year. Music is a core subject in my weekly timetable during the first three years of secondary school, however, it's just because the principal asks it to be so, but there wasn't really any teachings of playing musical instruments and the likes. It's purely just learning of notes, lyrics to some good songs, and err.... sing.

My Form 3 "music exam" takes the cake. We are to choose one out of several songs to sing, and we're to enter the music room in fours, luckily it was an all male quadruplets or all female quadruplets at a time. And yes, that was the song I chose. So, the music teacher will start playing the melody on the piano and I'm suppose to give my best rendition of "A Whole New World". Sigh.....

My grade at the end of the day was a miserable 'C'. :D Comes to show I'll never go far in any music competition or those AF kinda reality show. I shoulda choose something that don't need melody like Rockafeller Skank's "Right about now, the funk soul brother, check it out now, the funk so brother."

Short post, just to keep in record. :) No pun intended.

The Silencer

2007-06-27T20:00:00.000+08:00

This post is inspired by a dream I had last night. Funny thing is, a psychologist would say that I have a demented mind lurking somewhere within, since dreams are all created by the sub-conscious mind. Nevertheless, I’m not one to question that which I have no control. While the post may be story-like, what is described during the “confusion” is exactly what happened in the dream, with the difference is that I’m the victim.

I feel the need to voice out, at least write out the pressures and stress I faced working this job. It’s been 12 years since I’m involved in this, and 8 years since I last had my real name called. Now it seems so foreign to me, as if whoever I was, was actually a close friend I once had.

I work for a company that has no name as well, only one person reporting and telling me what to do. I’m trained in military tactics and arts, under the commandos division. I have just finished by latest mission last night, and I head home and wept all night. It’s something I can’t bear doing anymore, and something I cannot stop. My real identity stated me as dead, and I can no longer come back to society.

My mission was to rescue a man, from a family who held him hostage. I have been watching the wooden shack for a week, making sure that I know each and every person that comes in contact with them. As with most kidnap cases, the real entity behind it will entrust the victim to someone else for at minimum a month, to a maximum of three months until the news died down.

I saw two men, a woman and a little boy, about the age of three besides the victim. I knew I had to kill them all, and I got sick to the stomach again which affected my movement. Approaching the shack I got careless stepping on a branch. Then the commotion started. I heard a man’s voice calling out to have the victim moved to a room. Then sounds gunshots firing out of the windows and shouts of warning commenced. It was dark and they had no idea where I really am.

A few minutes later, I managed to inch myself into one window of the shack. I knew they had all gathered in a bedroom knowing that they failed to find me. Their strategy is just to wait for me, and using the victim as leverage to have me flee. Strangely enough, moving along a short corridor, the door to the bedroom was ajar. Tossing a mirror sphere nearby the entrance, I managed to glimpse everyone’s location before the sphere shattered by a bullet released towards it.

It is a very simple mission. Just a lunge to the floor at the door and release my shots at the downbeat of the instance. I tossed my soft-padded voiced timer across to the other side of the corridor, careful to ensure it went over the entrance of the door. Five seconds to react. Two seconds after a gruff voice shouted a warning, I lunge myself towards the entrance before the voice could finish the sentence.

True enough, they are not trained. In that split second I could see them looking at each other acknowledging the presence of another rescuer. Two bullets was released into the skulls of the men, another shot released to the heart of the woman few moments later. I got up, went into the room, and saw the child looking terrified at me.

The victim thanked me, and proceeded to leave, but my mission is not finished. I was looking at the child when he said “That’s only a child, let’s go.” “No, he will talk. He’s old enough to know” and with that, I grabbed for the child and a pillow, and I smothered his face with it. The victim was in shock but he did nothing except to watch in disbelief. While the child was struggling, all I could do was to gently hush him. Just a whisper of “shh… shh… it’ll be fine.” This is the seventh time I’ve done this to an innocent being. Tears never fail to blind me each and every time. When the body got limp, I placed it on the bed and cried myself in a corner. It gets harder always.

I got the victim out of the area, back to the safety of the people I work with and left. I think this is enough. I’ve cleared out my home, wiped clean every inch of it and incinerated every item I’ve used. The boat which I manage to steal from the docks will take me out to sea, and with this weight tied around my legs, I can be sure that my body cannot be found. I will not be forgiven in my after-life.

Night People (Part 3) - Common Pubs

2007-06-18T23:27:00.000+08:00

I guess this will be the most innocent of all night people. At least 80% of them goes home after a drink not reaching the superb state of drunkness, and at least 95% of them are able to drive home safely, and even if caught by the police, would prove to have lower alcohol content for safe driving.

I've only been to say, umm... let's see.... this was purely in the past, there was Bali, and then there was Heaven, and another one I can't remember, which would be in the category of discos. Pubs I've been to quite a little bit! But I guess it's less than 20 in all, yuppers, totally a nerd when compared to regular pub goers. Since I do not dance and I do not drink, the only thing, actually the only two things I can do is for the eye-candy and foosball/pool.

Still, I'd feel out of place being in a pub, because that's where inhibitions tend to go away. Weird characters jump out once they're a little high, and stop being 'closed'. This is when you see people who cries and tell sob stories (I know of one boss in my ex-company that do this every single time), who just dance until he/she's tired, who just talk and yak and yak and yak, and some who just sits down there looking about as if he/she drops the contact lens. Whatever it is, it's still another 'out' from normal everyday living.

Seriously, most of the people I ask about why they go clubbing or pubs is to i. Socialise ii. Have a great time and iii. Release stress. I'm a gamer, I release stress by gaming. :P It's a hell lot cheaper. Anyway, it's all about any of the three above, or a combination of them. It's just to laugh out loud with friends, to enjoy the moment. To some it's about looking for someone with the same objective, and allows the objective to take place somewhere private. To some others, it's just to be a 'turtle', keeping the soul deeper into the body and just let loose.

All the above helps I guess since they can continue doing it on and on, but on a daily basis is what I seriously don't understand. But hey, it's the life some people choose.... still I'm not a night person, well, maybe a 2am mamak person once in a while, but I really cannot belong in any pubs/clubs with friends who drinks and just talk the night away.

I do not enjoy being not fully in control of my body, and I definitely do not enjoy talking to the alter-ego (or ego-less) friend who would not talk about what they would should they be totally sober. Even the conversation would be forgotten, so thank you, I will go if there's a good band playing or just to be 'alone' by myself thinking about life, and the latter I can do quite often somewhere else.

A short post for a somewhat innocent kind of night activity.

Night People (Part 2) - Coyote Ugly

2007-06-17T23:52:00.000+08:00

While waiting for a 16.3MB email to reach me from my boss, I guess I'll get on with Part 2 of night people. Again, not a post to give advice to anyone, but just an observation.

The same colleague, during those times goes out drinking a lot. Though he doesn't drink till he gets drunk, he just didn't want to go home early. I believe on two or three occasions (I think it's two) he actually brought me to this place called Bintang Garden, a 2nd floor coyote ugly styled pub which has a balcony. I have no idea if the place still exist.

Anyway, this pub have a lot more tables and chairs then the dance floor. Not only that, the place is quite well lit and the ambience very clean. Still, we have to shout to each other to be heard, which is still better compared to the Feng Tao place where you can only communicate with hand signals or typing something on your phone and show it to your friend.

These coyote ugly girls (about 16 of them) works only from 10:00pm to 2:00am. But before that, I might as well make a diary of my first visit since it will remain just an easily forgotten episode in my life in years to come. When I visited the place with him, he's already been there twice and have already made friend with a malay coyote. So, when I stepped in, and had drinks ordered, she was the one to take the order. I only got my self a freakin' RM8.00 coke (one single small glass with 2 cubes of ice).

One thing I notice is that nearly once every half hour, all 16 coyotes will get on the bar and dance to one single piece of music. They seem to have a strong liking for "Shut Up" by The Black Eyed Peas and "Pass The Dutch" by Missy Elliot. Beside the bars, four of them will be on a higher platform with poles. Being brightly lit and all, I wouldn't say that they're dressed scantily. Sexy maybe... some in jeans and normal tank top, some even with dress! As much as they'd 'show' it'll be either the thigh or mid-riff section. Not really low neckline because of the dance they have to do to avoid any 'mishaps' jumping out.

I remembered that after one of these dances, my colleague's friend came back to our table, and after that joined by 3 other girls. I totally forgotten this colleague's friend of mine's name, but I remembered being introduced to a Jo, a Nadia and a chinese girl whom I also forgotten the name. That's when I found out that they get commission for any drinks order they took, so all of them tries to get the pub's clients to buy drinks even for the dancers. Therefore, at my table, when there's six of us (including the other 4 girls), we 'ought to' buy 6 drinks.

This girl named Nadia, whom I can described as someone who has good hips and volumnous hair, tried to look all pitiful asking me to buy her a drink saying "Aku dahaga... belilah air." to which I said "Belilah sendiri." She tried on three different attempts at different song intervals (they move around to other tables as well) and stopped when she knew she'll get nothing from me.

This pub has a 'specialty' called "Blowjob". It's purely a sick man's or unlucky slob's choice of a drink to get a little fresh with the girls. The girl will fill up that tiny scotch glass thingy with vodka or whatever and she will lie down with the bottom of the glass held in her mouth. The guy will just pick up the glass with his mouth and lift it up to drink the entire content, of course taking advantage of touching lips with the girl right before that. I took 16 of the specialty that night... kidding!!

Anyway, to speed things up, the second time (now I remembered I only went there twice) I went there with slippers and was stopped at the entrance but since they knew my colleague is a regular, they let us in. This time, on one of the break, at least 8 girls joined us (at a table meant for 4). Nadia was there, but she didn't strike up any 'sales pitch' and she was talking to me, I decided to 'interview' her.

Funnily, amongst the first question I asked was "Do you drink?" to which she answered "No", she only drinks orange juice. Seeing her move from table to some other tables, it does seem that way since all those tables have orange juice, and she doesn't do "blowjob". Next question was "Does your mum know you do this?" LOL... sigh... now it sounded like I'm from the authorities, but back then I was just awed at why anyone would choose this line of work. Anyway, from the conversation (or shouting) I had with her I learned that amongst these 16, there are different characters. Some wants to get "booked" for the night, some others just lepak at the mamak after work and goes home with their boyfriends while others, including Nadia goes home to her parents. Of course I took all these stories at face value only, people can lie. Heck, even I introduced myself as "Nik". But I did say I'm in the computer line.

It seems that the general pub customers are men in their late 30's to early 50's and they just love to put their hands on the girls' thighs whenever they come to visit the table, which explains a lot to why they stopped at our tables the longest. My colleague totally respect "physical touches" and I'm totally not used to it except for close friends or old school friends, even then it's just a simple "hello" or "goodbye" or "long time no see" hug.

At that time I decided to dwelve a little bit more on the lifestyle, and since I try to make friends with people from all walk of life, I was trying to see if Nadia can indeed be a friend or just someone out there to make money. I have a lawyer friend, accountant friend, but hey, I also want some 'not so common' ones. Since I already have a tranvestite friend and a model friend (from Penang whom it's been 6 years and we've never met), no harm,.. just friends. I told her that I have absolutely no other motive than to be a friend which she agreed and gave her number and I gave mine, but my name is still "Nik", since I still don't trust the fella.

Anyway, weeks passed, I didn't contact her at all. One night about 2:30am, she called. She just reached home from work and she asked this "Hey, kakak aku nak siapkan thesis dia tapi format kat Word ni lari teruk, boleh tolong tak?" and she passed me to the elder sister. While talking to whom I believed was her housemate, I heard an older woman's voice saying "Lah, tak tidur lagi?" being replied with "Nak habiskan report ni, mak" followed by "Last minute lagi? Nadia, pergi mandi tidur." Quick analysis made me believe that this was really her home and her sister, but why would she dared use her real name in public?

To cut things short, I had about half hour of conversation with her older sister on the project and where is good to go for Masters in Business,... she was finishing her Bachelor's thesis. I did ask "Kenapa Nadia balik lambat?" to which she replied "Come on, aku tau dia dancer kat pub. I think you pun kenal dia kat situ. She told me you macam orang salah tempat, totally awkward kat situ, macam batu, lagu best pun duduk macam tengok tv, tak bergerak with the music pun."

On the phonecall with her, this is where I learned that they start work at 10pm to 2am every night (each girl 6 days a night, so in total there's actually 20+ girls). She was just turning 18 in a few weeks time, and used a friend's IC to apply for the job. They get RM3,000 as a basic pay excluding commission. She bought a whole complete set of wardrobe, which her mum got suspicious of her job and she said it's from her bonus. She finished SPM but decided to stop studying citing "Aku tak pandai macam kakak aku." She tells her mum she works as a waitress at night at a pub, amazingly her mum doesn't mind. I cannot remember what else besides the above in the hour long conversation.

The next phonecall, which turned out to be the last phonecall, a few weeks later, she said she was quitting the scene and decided to go for those event type of dancing. Promotions, product launches, etc and have started on a few already. Her boyfriend of two years who she broke up with right after SPM is back with her. That phonecall, I thought for a while, and then I told her "Good for you", and within the conversation I just told her to take good care of herself and if anything, do call me for any friendly help or advice. That's the last I heard of her, and I never did follow up (which I usually do with ALL my friends at least yearly) because I lost her phone number many months later. And my colleague, who also has her phone number went into a crazy mood deleting each any every girl's phonenumber (except work mates) when the girl he liked accepted him. But that's another story.

Hmm... rather lengthy post, but all the better since I have planned to document this interesting encounter and get it off my memory bank. One thing I learn is that some people, who doesn't want to 'fall' but wants to earn good money, dares to risk being walking on a thin line that can be to their downfall. I'm happy that one friend did not make it a career, or goes 'deeper' into it, and most probably it's because her sister kept her in check. Still, risks like this, where emotional instability can easily crop up (if she does drink and being under the influence, or at least be 'trapped' by a smooth talker), is some things that people do decide to try their mental and morale strength in.

I guess I'm weak in testing my emotional strength on a thin line like this. Even in my line of work, it's easy to get extra money. Imagine four contractors bidding for a contract for my ex-building, and all planning to give significant amount of "monetary gift" if I recommend them highly and they get accepted. I told them that I don't do it, (I also know my CEO totally despise it) and it will be on a fair trial. Better safe than sorry. Not worth getting caught and not worth throwing my honor out the window.

Sorry if the above post seem to put me in a very good light. I'm like any guy, I do enjoy watching the dances, something nice to see. But my wife knows totally well I won't, for a second, would think about getting in a relationship with anyone I know from these certain places.

Night People (Part 1) - Feng Tao

2007-06-14T23:32:00.000+08:00

The post with the title above would have to be placed under PG18 at least, or maybe PG15. While the post will be a total "no big deal" to the night people, I treat this purely as a documentation of what I have experienced, viewed, studied and 'try-to-understand' during a period when I was among the night people. So, people under 18, please stop reading this now.

I plan to have a Part 1 - Feng Tao, Part 2 - Coyote Ugly and Part 3 - Common Pubs; just as an expression from a extreme night people to that of the most common ones. I will not talk about night races, rempit, hookers/transvestites waiting by the roadside and drunkards walking about and shouting in the streets. These 'activities' I have seen, but did not get myself absorbed to understand why the human body and soul act that way.

Back in 2002 - 2003, I had the opportunity to go out at night quite a bit, especially since I had a colleague friend who seem to 'adopt' a "need to release my sorrow" habit which he carried about three months or so.

Feng Tao, which literally means shaking head (I don't know in which dialect) refers to the darkest (in terms of light and feeling) of discos I have ever been in. It starts about 2am all the way to the early morning at 7am and no one would know it's daylight. My colleague, while in normal pubs have made some friends with a more hardcore drinker and someone who's crazy about going feng tao. Here's my experience....

My colleague picked me up from home and brought me over to (I forgot the location) where I notice it's a pub cum snooker centre which he plays often. Then his friend suggested to check a feng tao place. My colleague wasn't so sure about this but would like to take a look, and therefore, knowing (hopefully) that I can think straight, I followed suit just to take a look. We got into his friend's car, and we went off towards... crap.. I forgot the location. Anyway, it's a shophouse, packed with cars on the outside but very quiet.

Before we went in, his friends decided to 'smoke'. This smoking was done using a small mineral water bottle, with the 'vegetable' placed into the bottle and lit and the bottle capped. A small hole was bored at the side of the bottle where a stay is placed in and they just puff away. We never tried. That's the first 'step' to getting high.

About 15 minutes later, near 1:30am we were led into to the door, once inside we had to walk to a totally dark maze like area with only 'arrow' lights on the floor, and music started to get louder. Once totally inside, at least three bouncers are on standby, trance music totally deafening, and at least 90% of the people are just nodding their head to the beat of the bass. WTF!

Three jugs of beers given, my colleague took one glass, and he said taste awful. Then the second 'step' offered, a pill! Somewhat 'respectably' these friends of his respect free will, they just offer but it's up to you to take or not. The whole place was nearly dark, with disco lights, and packed, and on the way to the common toilet, there's already a couple doing 'project' on the floor! Back to the edge of what seems to be where these zombies are, I was fascinated at these 90% of people who are just moving, nodding, clapping and 'touching' and being totally oblivious to what the heck is around. Serious zombies.

When the DJ shouts something, they all go "yeaaa!!!". Heck, he could have said "Do you all wanna die?" or "Do you all wanna go home now?" Within 20 minutes we left the place outselves and took a cab back to his car. I revisited another feng tao place within two weeks, this time at Puchong IOI Mall roof top, same ole'.

Like being a drunk, or getting extremely high on smoking or even drugs, my only answer to why these people chose such an activity,... is for release. To release oneself from the world's care, no worries, no responsibility, no feeling. It's like they want to be dead for a while, just to 'rest' the soul. Any-hoot, I don't judge them, but to me this lifestyle is an extreme lifestyle which just cannot suit a lot of people. To just go home totally stoned driven by one person who's not drunk, and waking up the next day not knowing what happened the night before is somewhat of a "reset" button to these people. At least that's what they explained to me.

One thing for sure, in every group, there is nearly at least one other person who will be sober the entire time. His/her 'job' is to make sure they go home safe. Funny team, but hey, they at least made sure they don't 'die' for good.

We'll Wait For You

2007-06-11T10:07:00.000+08:00

Though science proved that the first heart beat starts on the 22nd day of fertility, and that the Malaysian fatwa stated that abortion is not condoned after 40 days of fertility. Still, according to Riwayat Bukhary and Muslim, Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) stated that after three terms of 40 days, the spirit is 'blown' into the body. Science also proved that independent actions starts about that time (i.e. movement of body). This is strengthened in Al-Hijr: 28-29.

On the 5th of May 2007, we received our first news that you are coming. Your body is being developed. Three checks with two clinics (received negative comments) and hospital (natural development) indicated that you should arrive by early January 2008. Mommy and I started a small preparation for you, like looking at pregnancy clothes, clothes extensions, etc.

On 5th of June 2007, mommy started bleeding. So, we went to see the doctor who delivered your brother. Sadly, your body's heart stopped beating, and your house was smaller. Mommy cried. I cried too, but I guess God has other things in mind. All that we hope now is that you still come back to our family instead of being 'blown' in another body, which I believe God's grace allows that.... though we will never know what happens 'Up There'.

Meantime, I guess your brother has to content himself with playing his toy cars while waiting for you. Mommy will have to wait longer to carry you, but the good thing is, mommy is re-preparing her body for the better so that your body can grow with greater care, Insya-Allah.

We've saved all records of your body's development up to the day your body stopped growing so that we can show you next time. On record, your body managed to grow to 8 weeks (according to Doctor's calculation) or 6 weeks (according to me, since I calculated from what I believe is the exact date of fertilization).

We are waiting for you, but take your time. Just not too much time, ok? :)

Love,
Mommy, your brother and myself.

Extreme Physical Tiredness

2007-06-02T01:49:00.000+08:00

I'm sure some of you have been in my position before.

Today I was so tired and sleepy, and did fall asleep by 8:30pm, however ended up waking up again and stayed well beyond your tiredness and sleepiness that it all goes away. Now it's 2:00am in the morning and I don't know how to sleep.

I've been in this position a couple of times before. Those that stands out well is of course during college days, whereby I get sleepy by 11:00pm, but because of the lure of that online game that keeps me awake, by the time it's 2:00am, I'm fresh! Can even go out mamak at 3:00am and then come home and continue gaming. And by 11:00am the next day still fresh!! Except that I can't feel my skin anymore. Things feel dull.... and then the only thing I can do it just to lie down and hope that sleep gets to me.

Scary feeling. The worst time ever was my first day of SPM. I practically did not sleep the night before AT ALL. What's weird is that I was not even worried about the exam, and by 2:00am..... well, I guess you all go through this... by a certain time that you can't sleep, you end up counting "Okay, if I can sleep now, I still get five hours." and then you end up watching the clock... and awake... "Crap, it's 3:00am now, four hours... come on man, sleep, sleep!" and yet you still watch the clock tick away in the middle of the night. It's ridiculous! But I guess as humans we tend to do this.

In the end we end up not sleeping at all until... guess what... 30 minutes before we're supposed to get up, and then we REALLY have problems trying to get up. Sigh... the human body.

Good night.

New Cheese

2007-05-31T23:42:00.000+08:00

Today is officially my last day being involved with the building I'm very familiar with since September 2005. The irony of the entire situation is that my signature was the final action (signing as a witness) for the handover of the building to another property manager.

Yea, yea, like little kid's handwriting.

How do I feel then, at 5:30pm when I signed?? Concerned actually, coz' I have another meeting to rush to (which I did at 7:00pm) and also on the staff we left to the building that was rejected by the new company. These 6 staffs are now considered on a one month termination as they have no place in my HQ, being security, maintenance and admin staff.

How do I feel now, at 11:30pm same day? Rather sad, but thankful. I was fortunate to be able to step on the rooftop of a 30++ storey building and enjoy the city view without being escorted by security. I was fortunate to observe how a lift motor room looks like on Level 34, how the cable works carrying the lifts from Ground Floor to upper floors. I was fortunate to be able to view and explore huge generator set room and huge MDF room. I was fortunate to be walking about the building always being waved by or waved at tenants who knows me by name. I was fortunate to easily be invited into tenant offices to view renovations which tenants are proud of. I was fortunate to be a part of a building's management team, a close-knit family that has now grown apart.

Now, a new cheese. Under another Director. It's like starting in a new company again. I'm ready for the challenge. Wish me luck.

We'll Meet Again

2007-05-24T21:19:00.000+08:00

Darren was watching a girl across the street, very pretty, very alluring. He'd like to make friends with her if possible, but he's afraid. Since he have seen her a few times, he knew he'll see her again. She must be working somewhere nearby his place.

Today he's would be walking past her once the pedestrian lights turns green where he'll get a closer look at the girl he admires. However, today is a different turn. A lorry refused to stop at he finds himself lunged to push the girl out of the way. Besides a few bruises on the legs and arms, everyone was ok. "What's your name?", she asked him, thankful that he saved her life.

No, this is not a natural action that he initiated. This invitation to friendship was due to a "must do" and not a "need to do" situation. So he answered "I'm sorry. If fate makes us meet again, I'll introduce myself properly. I'd really love to see you again." and he walked off. To him, the friendship need to happen from his own doing, not fate that brings an introduction. She saw him walk off, rather disheartened that he was not willing to befriend her there and then. She'll seek him out again.

Days went by. At 1:00pm, he entered a restaurant. At 1:15pm, she entered the same restaurant, but she did not see him. He has just left 5 minutes ago after receiving an urgent phonecall from his boss to return to the office.

Weeks went by. She's walking towards the pedestrian crossing on one side of the road, and he on another. They will see each other while waiting for the light to turn green. Only tens of steps left before she reaches the crossing. Then a gust of wind blew the papers she's holding. Scattered on the pavement, she proceeded to pick them up, helped by strangers. A minute later, he has crossed the street and heading to the direction not from where she was coming from.

Months went by. She wonders why she has not met him, and he wonders the same. Luck called the both of them to attend the same seminar on a hotel nearby. On the morning, after she registered and head to the toilet, her white pants was smeared red. A leak! She left to go home. He registered while she was in the toilet, and went out for a smoke. They did not meet, he was busy looking at a billboard being painted while she raced passed behind him, head bowed to get to her car.

"Are you Fate?", a bird, perched high above a tree near the pedestrian crossing asked to its left. "Yes, yes I am", said the 'being'. "I think they really want to meet each other. Is it just bad luck, or you have something to do with it?", the bird queried.

"I did that", said Fate. "They are too perfect for each other. Should they meet, they will get married. Grow up with three kids, both soars in their careers, live happily for many many years." The bird was confused, "Then why did you not let them meet?"

"They will be divorced in their 15th year marriage, when the economy goes bad and they get retrenched. It will start from a fight about money, then about career, then they will start bringing up what they're unhappy about each other, and it will just grow until they divorce."

"How can you know this?", surprised, the bird asked.

"Because for 15 years they will not face any life challenges. I have to split them apart for their own good. We live our life to face challenges, to grow up, to get matured and to be able to face further difficult challenges. Having a smooth journey for 15 years, you will get too used to it, and once a bump appears, you will ram into it and find yourself getting tossed out of the car. It's exactly like how a kid grows up on their parent's riches until he or she reaches 22 and the parents goes bankrupt. He or she will not able to cope."

"I'm doing the best for them. I give them a reason to live. I make sure they have challenges to grow old properly and to appreciate life."

God Lends To Us

2007-05-12T00:37:00.000+08:00

This is the first time Azman have gotten the courage to break into a house. It was dinnertime. When he smashed the door down and brandished his parang to the shocked family, he never expected what he saw.

Yes, he expected the woman to scream, only to force herself to be quiet to save her 12 years old daughter and 9 years old son. She moved them away from the dinner table, to huddle in the corner crying softly looking at Azman. What Azman don't understand is why the man, after being shocked by the sound, looked at him, continued eating his dinner as if he's not there.

"Why aren't you scared?"

"Why should I be?"

"I'm going to rob you, and most probably threaten your life and that of your family until you give me every cent you have."

"Everything that I have, my money, my car, my house, my television, even my wife and my children, they are lent to me during my lifetime. Everything I own and love, even myself, belongs to God. Certainly you have come, ordered by God to take back His possessions. If it is so, take what you were asked to take back."

With that, Azman took what he was asked to take, without knowing it... the advice that began to change his life for the better, and he left the house.

BELIEVE In Yourself!

2007-05-11T00:46:00.000+08:00

I've actually blogged about the fact that most people carries along with them words of courage or idioms, to bring them through their daily life as a guide or confidence booster when faced with situations unfamiliar to them, or situations that challenges the current peaceful state of their calmed minds.

Just to recap, two of them to me are "If you think you can't, you've already lost without even trying." and Nike's "Just Do It!".

Most of us also carry stories as a guide and confidence booster that we have accepted and practically and absorbed that story into our subconscious. I wish to share a story that has just surfaced just few hours ago, which I knew was in me all along. I can't recall where I read it, but I know it's a story I read quite some time back. You will at first notice the evil in the character in the story, but it will knock some sense into our head to who we really are. Sorry if the story is not well narrated. Hmm... I'll check the internet for it first, and if I can't locate it, I'll narrate on my own. .... darn, can't find it.... anyway, it's either a dance, or a singing, but I'll take a dance.

A woman, Dawn, in her 40's watched as her daughter performed her dance on stage. After the dance, the crowd gave her a standing ovation. Dawn was very proud of her daughter, having failed herself to be able to dance as graceful and beautifully than her. Her daughter will make it big, unlike her mother.

After hugging her daughter, she went up and approach the dance teacher. Abruptly she turned away and pulled her daughter away with her. The dance teacher is familiar, in fact, Dawn knows her. They used to take dance class together at a prestigious dance class twenty years ago, and she is the worst in the class. And Dawn, the second worst in the class.

Twenty years ago, on a heaty evening her dance teacher called the both of them, and told them to leave the class. She said, "You will never be able to dance well, I suggest you stop your lessons with us." Dawn retaliated "But I want to dance well!", to which she received the reply "Don't waste your time. You'll never amount to anything big."

How is it then that her friend could even now be a dance teacher?! Dawn went home, rummaged through her old files and found the address to her old dance school. She wanted an explanation. It took her two weeks to track down her old dance teacher, who she decided to give a visit. Her anger non-wavering since two weeks back.

"Do you know that you wrecked my dream when you told me I cannot dance?! Do you even remember what you told me!?"
"Dear, you're not the only one. I've shot down many dreams, you're just but one of hundreds, even thousands."
"Why do you do that? You're evil! You're a dance teacher, a dance expert, you're suppose to guide your students, to make the best of them."
"Call me what you wish. Everyone of my students who I train to the end just ends up as someone who can dance, nothing more. There are some whom I wish they soar further, and these are the ones I told them they cannot make it."
"What do you mean?!"
"I may be an expert, but what gives me the right to dictate your ability? What gives me the right to tell you what you can and cannot do? It is just a simple challenge, but you chosed to heed another individual's advice than to believe in your own ability!"
"But don't you get it? You're the expert! Of course I listen to you! You mean to tell me I did not make it big because I believed in what you said? If I didn't believe you, I'd soar to great heights?"
"You may or may not soar, but at least you'd challenge yourself. Heeding my words, you totally placed your future in another person's hand. Too many people prefers to let others dictate the their life, and destroys whatever in-born ability they have within them.

Only one person truly knows your capability, and that person is yourself. You know your skills, you know your ability, you know your own body and mind and what they can do. No one has the rights to tell what to do with your skills, ability and body and mind's capacity and capability."

Apartment vs House: Bringing Up A Child/Children

2007-05-09T23:06:00.000+08:00

On a generalised debate, a house appreciates better than apartment and you don't have to pay for maintenance fee, while you need to pay a maintenance fee even if you don't stay in an apartment but improves in security compared to a house.

When we place another variable in, that is to bring up a child/children, a new debate comes up. Let's check the pros between a house and an apartment according to my opinion.

Pros for bringing up a kid in a house.
1. Private garden for the kids to do whatever he/she wants, ie cycling, digging up grass, playing ball, burning grass, etc.
2. Jumping up and down or wailing in the house does not usually disturb the neighbour.
3. A generally larger space in a house allows for guest sleepovers especially relatives' kids.

Pros for bringing up a kid in an apartment.
1. Facilities! Enough said. There's swimming pool, sometimes a gym, sometimes a daytime retail store, large compound to run around (albeit shared compound), etc.
2. Secured. With only one door (or two) to leave the apartment, can easily be watched, and no climbing out the roof to sneak out.
3. Closer neighbours. It's easier to find kids the same age to play with within a vicinity of 100 metres radius (or circumference since there's up and down involved) for them to play together. Better social linkage.

Just a short opinion above itself tend to show stronger emphasis towards bringing up kids in an apartment environment. Hmm... is it really? Next time I need to give an opinion on "Apartment vs House: For a Gardening Parent".

Careful What You Wish For

2007-05-07T21:32:00.000+08:00

I have come to believe that babies, as they're growing up, tend to want to have environments where they can enjoy different feelings. One of them is a feeling of fear. I noticed that my kid have started to create a fear environment by re-enacting what scared him in the first place, a crow that was perched on an awning under a roof when it was raining. One look at the crow scared him that ever since then, he always pointed up our wardrobe and says "Bird, Bird!" and then hide away.

That above, is just a theory, but then what if kids can really 'see' things? One night when he was again going "Bird, Bird!" and pointing to the top of the wardrobe and hiding under the blanket, I looked up so again see nothing. So I said to myself, "Please let me see what my son sees." It was half-hearted and very doubtful, but when I looked up again, I saw it. Just a dark shadow perched at the spot where my son pointed at.

Then it really occured to me that yes, kids DO see things! Though panicked, I was in control enough to carry my son out to the living room where my wife was. I never mentioned any of these to anyone, but that shadow is not always on the wardrobe all the time. It was only some times that it appears, and whenever it does, my son does notice it and shies away. As for myself, it does appear at very awkward hours, usually at night, and sometimes when I accidentally wake up from sleep say 3:00am or 4:00am. Twice of thrice it appears at the foot of the bed, standing, but still it's just a shadow.

Unable to accept such things, I wished to have my ability to see it go away. It didn't happen until three days later. It's been a while now since I last saw it, but I do have to pity my son a lot whenever he points upwards again and goes into hiding, heart beating so fast. Now I'm just waiting for when he will eventually lose that 'gift' as I believe they do when they grow up.

The above story never happened, but it can.

Problem with Blogging

2007-05-05T22:07:00.000+08:00

I do read other people's blog and for those who writes a lot on reviews or observations, it falls to two types of bloggers. One who writes exactly what they observe and give an honest, non-biased opinion, totally clinical and rather professional,... and another who injects their own opinion that ends up somewhat injecting a boost in their ego as well.

Noticing this I reviewed my previous blogs on my own reviews and observations and sadly, I fall into the latter category. While I understand it's totally my opinion on what I observe, putting down... or placing a negative opinion on any specific subject tends to show "I'm superior, what I observe is inferior."

Therefore, from my next blog onwards, I will try my best to put in a very clinical view on what I review and observe. I may give an opinion, but will not try to place it as if I'm a Mr-Know-It-All. I am back, hopefully a better person and a better blogger.

Song-Attachment

2007-02-27T16:35:00.000+08:00

Crap, for someone who hardly listens to malay songs, I find myself emotionally attached to the lyrics, tune and voice of Izwan Pilus's Indah Lelapku.

It gives me this story.

An accident happened. Gibran, on his motorcycle riding along the main road near his place, crashed into a Kenari whose driver didn't take a proper lookout when she came out of a corner. Shocked, Lissa, the driver of the car got out of her car to check on him. Lucky he hit the left passenger side of the car. Gibran was ok, though in pain, was able to get up. They left the motorbike there, front tyre gone and all, and proceeded to the nearest hospital. She found him troublesome due to her carelessness, but he wass mesmerised by her beauty to push the fault of the accident on her.

She paid for the damages and hospital bills. Only scratches and lumps on his thighs and body, otherwise everything is ok. Friendship ensued,... which turned romantic as days go by. By the third month, they found comfort in each other. They have their special restaurant, their special song and their romantic spot to spend time together, the beach. The beach, just to enjoy the sounds of the wave and the wind, to just sit near each other, no need for conversation, just the joy of feeling the warmth and companion of each other.

Just happens that one day it started to rain, they ran back to his bike. Might as well spend time indoors, to their special restaurant. On the way there, along a long road, a car swerved out of a corner without looking. Gibran only manage to see a flash of light as he hits the car.

He wakes up in the hospital. Asked for Lissa. Doctor was baffled. "You got into a bad accident, a bad blow to the head. Physically, everything is ok. You've been in a coma for three months!" As soon as he could, he went to the beach; the special place with Lissa. No one there, but wait, someone about 30 feet away walking towards the edge of the water. Lissa! Before he could even call her, she turned around as if answering someone's shout. A man came out, ran to her, hugged her, and a little girl comes running and hugged both of them at their legs.

Nyatalah dia hanya dalam mimpiku
Tak bisa aku memilik cinta hati
Nyatalah dia hanya kekasih pelukku
Sampai di sini kisah aku dengannya

Dalam lelapku ini...
Terbayang wajah seakan puteri
Dan hilang...
Segala rupa yang telahku bayang
Dan hilang....
Segala rasa yang telahku rasa
Dan hilang....
Segala semua harapanku
Dan hilang...
Cerita indah dalam tidurku
Dan hilang....
Segala rupa yang telahku bayang

Inferior

2007-02-13T14:07:00.001+08:00

Day 1
It's not that I don't have the looks. I think I look presentable enough, but I just don't earn enough to really keep my girlfriend happy. I know a lot of people asked me to find another suitable girl, but I love her and I really do think she loves me. I don't blame her for her expensive taste. It is just her lifestyle, not her attitude. I should be very happy that she eventually chosed to accept me into her life after two years of friendship.

Two weeks back, she told me that at times when I'm busy at night with my second job, she just had to find some social friends. Now she have been going out with one guy in particular quite often. Him, I have no worries about. He has exactly what I don't have... money and time, but he don't have the looks. Still, she is happy to go out with him, nothing romantic, it's purely a mutual social friendship. He buys her a lot of stuff, and though she forcefully told him not to, she still keeps them. She told me not to worry, I'm in her heart. She only takes whatever he gives sincerely, and she does not flirt with him at all. I still have her. I'm happy.

Day 2
I'm not happy, and this is not funny! How the hell can she fall for him? Why did she do this, calling me up late last night just to tell me that she may be falling for him?! And now she's cancelling our dinner tonight, saying that she wants to go out with a girlfriend who just dropped into town just for a day. When I asked her if she's lying and going out with him instead, she told me 'No!'... but I know better.

Thank you, sweetheart. Thank you so much for doing this to me. Why didn't you just tell me from the start that my lack of money can cause all this?! Anyway, it's dinner time now. I've sent a nice bouquet of flowers and a nice heart shaped chocolate cake I baked myself in the afternoon. Hope you enjoy them. Hope you enjoy him and be happy with him. I'm not for you. Happy Valentine's Day.

....Shatter of glass. A thud. People screaming.....

Day 3
It's murder! Someone pushed my boyfriend out his apartment! Police is saying it might be suicide but I know him well enough. He loves me, and I love him so so much. God I miss him! I should have just invited him along to see Maggie, but she was too inconsolable, having just divorced her husband, stopping by KL on the way back to her hometown. Peter called me this morning saying that he feels as if he's interfering with my life. He said he adores me, and tried to 'buy my heart' with money, but he feels that he cannot buy love and has stepped back. I really thought he looked at me like a sister, the way he treats me is no different from how my brother does. Such a fool I am for not realising.

Don't worry, honey. No one can take us apart. We'll be together again tonight. I'll use the same 'door' that you were forced into. I don't care about the murderer, all I want is you. Wait for me.

Psychology in Lifts

2007-02-09T14:32:00.000+08:00

You know how we all hate it when we are about to get out of lifts and others are shoving themselves in?? But sometimes we end up doing the same instead?! We're not gonna talk about this, but let's check this one out.

1. Stand or Lean
When you enter an empty lift, where do you stand in the lift? And do you stand straight or you lean against something? For myself, I nearly always stand at back left corner and lean to my left (lift wall supporting left shoulder). Can I actually come up with a psychological study on this preference of a) choice of location to stand in lift and b) to stand straight or lean? Anyway, what is your choice?

2. Pressing A Number
When you enter a lift with some other people (maybe 3-4), do you settle yourself nicely in the lift and then only press to the desired floor, or do you press first before you settle yourself? For myself, I nearly always press first the moment I enter the lift before settling myself where to stand. What do you do?

3. You and the Opposite Gender
If someone of your opposite gender stands exactly centre left of the lift, do you stand on the center right of the lift to sort-of "balance" the placement of people in the lift, or do you go about your business standing wherever you want? Just say that you stand on the centre right, with just the same distance from the lift door as the person beside you. Who leaves first? You attempt to leave first or the other person leaves first (ie reaching the Ground floor when you know both will leave at the same floor)? For myself, I nearly always allow someone parallel or in front of me to leave first and then my turn, unless I'm with my family in which case I'll just move towards the door to leave asap.

4. Idle Time in the Lift
At least 80% of the time, someone MUST make themself preoccupied while waiting to reach the desired floor. The other 20% of the time they just stand/lean there like a statue. Preoccupying means they fiddle with the phone, fiddle with their hair, looking up at the numbers (showing what floor lift is currently at), etc. For myself, if I know I don't need to fiddle with my phone, I nearly always looking up at the numbers. That's the only thing I can think of doing while waiting.

5. Aura
I'm sure you have been in a position where there are about 5 people in the lift and you are at the centre (since the other took the corners). How do you feel? Do you feel as if the two dudes/dudettes behind you are looking at you? Do you feel uneasy by the personal aura of four people intruding into your own personal aura? Or you don't even give a darn because you're aura-challenged? :P For myself, yes, I do feel uncomfortable at times, maybe due to the fact that standing in the center of the lift, I can't possibly lean against anything. How about you?

This is purely an opinion study I'd like to test because I travel up and down lifts daily as I need to meet tenants, contractors, do some rounding of the building, etc.

Sad State of Modern Living

2007-02-07T10:33:00.000+08:00

Until today I still receive calls from hotel membership people asking me to be part of their hotel membership. Eeee.... horribly constructed sentence. Anyway, the method of selling is seriously putting into the subconscious minds on the "proper" modern living everyone should enjoy.

The varieties of selling point are as follows: -

1. Elegant and Luxurious
"Don't you want to spend time away from home and stay somewhere elegant and luxurious? We have a huge room, with amazing view, king-sized bed, etc yada yada." Though I accept and agree to some people's need to feel rich (like some of my friends going to car showroom to test out cars) I do think also that you cannot have that feeling daily, or weekly or even monthly in fact! Too much of a good thing will make you yearn it more and more.

No problem if you yearn being rich and actually put an effort to it, but most people wanna feel rich without putting the effort, so what happens?! Loans! Or the better word is being in debt! And this is for things that depreciate in value. I don't need to talk finance here, you know where this leads.

2. Shopping Malls Are Just Across The Street
"Sir, this hotel in Bangkok is located right in front of the shopping mall for you to do your shopping!" Shopping in this modern lifestyle has become a hobby. It's like "Hey, man, what you doing this weekend?" "I'm gonna be fishing, or maybe do a little bit of reading, and if my friends call me out, I guess we'll head to snooker" or "I'm going shopping, wha'dya think!?". I'm still wondering why "shopping" books are not listed under Hobbies categories in bookshops. "Idiot's Guide to Shopping" "Learn Shopping Today!" "Master Shopping in 24 Hours"

3. You eat for two, but only pay for one! You, as a member, gets to eat free of charge!
I know for a fact that most 4-5 star hotels charges at least RM60 per head (exclusive of 15% service and government tax). I always tell them that I will not eat in hotel at all for that kind o ridiculous pricing, even at RM69 for two people because it's totally absurb. Hotel food is cooked for the masses meaning it's not gonna be as delicious as compared to people who cook one meal at a time for a maximum of 4 people to eat. Luxury food, people, is to eat DELICIOUS food with someone special. The hotel ambience just doesn't meet the pricing they place on the food. So here, "Eating at hotels" is supposed to be a modern lifestyle?!?

4. Can't think of anything more from the conversation.

Fall

2007-02-05T12:21:00.000+08:00

The are three things that I consciously fear; death of myself, death of a loved one and 'falling'. Fear of death to self started since I got married. Death of a loved one is ongoing. 'Falling', this one is a fear that has followed be consciously since secondary school. Why I'm writing this today is because this fear showed itself in full face by a friend.

I have just been contacted by a '3-months of lost contact' friend who 'fell'. You 'Fall' when you have nothing to live for. You 'Fall' when you want to get out of your current 'life situation'. You 'Fall' when you're dealth with a shock for which the impact you are not ready for.

No names, but description yes. A nice girl, very hardworking and always takes care of her image, never skipped a prayer, leading a social lifestyle up to drinking tea/coffee till late at nights and dancing once or twice a week with gal-friends or social friends at discos. Work stress led to... drinking, smoking and drugs (weeds and pills). No more prayers, no more replying friend's sms or phonecalls, just releasing stress after work at pubs/bars being drunk. That's a BIG fall for someone to make a complete u-turn in life!

The only light in this is... she realised it, yesterday. First step to climbing out of a hole no matter how deep you fell. There is absolutely no one else who can help a fallen person other than that person. I can throw a rope, or heck, get a helicopter and a nice matress tied down to lower into the hold, but if a fallen person doesn't even wanna get up, all help is useless. The funny thing is, these people don't realise that being in the bleakest moment has one thing that everyone else don't have: Things can only get better. Problem with human being is that they are contented with "living the moment" that they see no future, or don't even strive for it.

Just to share a little from the show "Secret" which I'd rather call "A Philosophical View on Law of Attraction". Where we are now is due to what we did in the past, and what we are doing now SHOULD be what we want in our future. If we fail to do something for our future, then we are living the moment purely to kill time or fill-up whatever idle time we have with things we like that does not contribute to anything. It's no different from a parking-lot attendant sitting in his booth and not thinking of changing job ever and not even reading a book/newspaper/magazine during his idle time and prefers to day-dream only.

Please take care of your life, seriously. It totally begins with the man in the mirror, no one else.

Why You Cut Queue??

2007-01-30T18:02:00.000+08:00

The strangest thing happened.

I was at my office lobby and I saw a guy entered the lift, so I pressed the UP button so that I can catch up with the same lift. It was just a 2 second wait.

Anyway, I got into the lift, saw that he pressed 9. I pressed 4 to my floor. Then as the lift opened at Level 4, he blocked the way and say "Eh, why you cut queue ah? I enter lift first, I go out first lah, why you want to go out first?" which I replied, "My floor is on the way to your floor what?" and he lambasted "I go out at Level 9 first, then you go out at Level 4. Don't cut queue!"

Yep, the strangest thing happened, in my mind that is, coz' I was just thinking what-if he actually did that.

Craving

2007-01-26T19:21:00.000+08:00

I sometimes don't understand why people
need to spend so much money on things. Just
to be 'in', they think these items can actually
satisfy the society's view that they are cool. In
my opinion, there is seriously no need to be
craving for attention. It really doesn't matter
for you if they find you childish still eating
KFC or McDonalds' ice-cream in public. Just
as some people who suddenly change as
soon as they get outside their home, it's like
as if they have to lead dual life. This cannot be
possible. Please read first word of every line.

Hidden Costs in Buying Properties

2007-01-25T23:12:00.000+08:00

Though I'm in the real estate industry and understand the costs involved in buying a property, I was caught offguard at some of the other hidden cost (related to property, but not really within property line) that was involved. I'd now like to give a run-down on what you should be expected to pay when buying a property.

Property Price - RM200,000
Downpayment - RM20,000 (10% of total cost)
Bank Loan - RM180,000
*Note: Most of the time new properties have their own panel lawyers and banks, and most of the time, the developer pays for the Lawyer Fee for the Sales & Purchase Agreement.

What comes out from your pocket....
Downpayment for property = RM20,000
Lawyer Fee for S&P = RM2,000++
Stamp Duty for S&P = RM3,000
Disbursement for S&P = RM200 - RM5,000 (here, the Lawyer have a field trip on charging exorbitant price for disbursement ie. RM70 for faxing, RM60 for editing, etc.. very similar to what an accounting firm or consulting firm would charge for disbursement)
MRTA = RM2,000++
Lawyer Fee for Bank Loan Agreement = RM2,000++
Stamp Duty for Loan Agreement = RM900
Disbursement for Loan Agreement = RM200 - RM5,000 (again, lawyers can go wild)

And went wild my developer's lawyer did!!

Belardy photostat and phonecalls costs them RM60 and RM70 each! I guessed they must have used superbly high quality ink extracted from Mont Blanc pen, and importing the said photostat machine from Australia and therefore there are shipping involved.

Basically, with the developer already paying lawyer's fee for S&P, my disbursement for the S&P itself is RM2,400+... and lawyer fees + disbursement for loan is RM3,000+.

In total I had to actually pay an extra RM5,500+ apart from my downpayment and MRTA (though lawyer fee's paid by developer).

In a nutshell, beware the "hidden cost" which is actually the Disbursement! That's a really scary word now.

Wife / Daughter

2007-01-19T22:03:00.000+08:00

Let me give you this scenario, albeit it being a little evil and totally weird. It is very predictable, but I'm more interested in the choice you'll make.

Imagine yourself as a guy, just about to get married in a week or two. One night you have a dream, you dreamnt coming out of the toilet after a bath and you see your four years old son, playing right outside your toilet door. His fig-leaf like birthmark very visible on the right side of his neck. You say "Hey, play somewhere else." and then you see your two year old daughter just lying down on the bed. Then you look around for your wife, and you ask your son, "Son, where's mommy?". He gives you this weird look, and then you realise... she died giving birth to your daughter. It was a very difficult delivery, but your daughter managed to pull through. The dream ends.

Now, imagine yourself already married, in the hospital room holding back panic attack seeing your wife about to give birth. She pushes.... and your baby boy comes safely into the world. The doctor hands him to your wife, and then both of you takes a closer look at him, and you see a fig-leaf like birthmark on the right side of his neck.

Will you let your wife conceive again?

Something Truly Remarkable

2007-01-18T23:28:00.000+08:00

Dear all,

At 11:23pm today, Thursday 18th January 2007, something truly remarkable has happened!! My blue pen, a PaperMate Kilometrico Fine, that can write for many kilometers has finally ran out of ink!

Long Live Kilometrico! Long Live The Pen!

Reunion

2007-01-05T14:24:00.000+08:00

Back in December 2005, my high school friends and I had a 10th year reunion, back at school. It was nice to meet old friends again, coz' the last big reunion before that was on a 3rd year reunion. So, basically it's like 7 years since quite a lot of us meet up.

I was having a talk with a friend (who is now a lawyer for my company, hahaha.... cronism!!) and yeah, we did agree that as time goes by, marriages becomes reunion. Next week, a friend of mine is getting married and word has it that quite a lot of ex-school mates will be attending. I guess from now that, that's the only time for ex-school mates to meet... during marriages.

Hmm... I wonder if they considered my marriage to be a reunion in the past. :D

2006 : A Review

2007-01-04T17:43:00.000+08:00

Darn, I can't make Private Posts, or maybe I just don't know how to. Anyone can help? I'm using the New Blogger.

Nearly everyone else would look back a year ago and see what they have accomplished, or not accomplished in 2006. I will not look back at my resolution, however, not to gloat, I will list what I have achieved in 2006. This is merely a listing for myself, to look back in the future (if I do that is).

Achievements
1. Bought a shop lot
2. Started a business
3. year anniversary
4. Still eating KFC healthily. :P

Shortcomings
1. Spending way above my budget
2. Not earning RM100 x my age
3. Several 'lazy spells' during working hours
4. Wasted too much time on games

This year,... one main goal is to reduce Item 1. Others, err... we'll go by ear. :D

Reality Crumbled

2006-12-16T07:24:00.000+08:00

I have absolutely no excuse why I didn't update my blog timely... but if I DO HAVE, it'll be the lack of leisure time since working part-time equals working full time (placing all schedules on the days I do work) and the other non-working day was on processing my business.

It is Saturday morning now, and I feel better. The memory of yesterday is still here, but not the affect of having such a memory. What I felt yesterday afternoon was totally different.

We humans have this ability of creating reality out of what we perceive from our experiences, our understanding of the way things work and from what we gather through our senses. Without writing it bluntly, here's how a part of my reality crumbled.

I have a friend, a mother of two, to which I've known for nearly two years. We communicate quite frequently, well, yeah of course, since we're also colleagues. Colleagues usually cannot be friends, but those that do are very few. For me, I only have two colleagues I consider a friend. Now, having a friend, we conjure a reality on that person, based on our interactions with that person and whatever else we assume them to be.

Well, that reality crumbled. A totally bizzare act that she did totally caught me off my toes. It affected the other friend as well, but the other friend faced it more like a shock. For me, it totally wiped out 'respect' and affected me in a way that I totally lost the appetite for lunch, and the memory of it haunt me right into last night.

Jealousy?? No, if you're thinking I'm jealous, change your assumption. The knowledge of her act and the confirmation of it made me turn around, look around, wondering what other realities that I conjured that may be false. What other reality that is going to crumble as well. Making a quick check that my stronger convictions of my conjured reality are still intact and solid.

To describe how the reality crumbled, I have to give examples. It's like a parent who has a grown-up child giving monthly finance from his/her job in another state, and everyone commended that he/she's a very discipline and kind child. Reality conjured by the parent is that of a responsible and hard-working child, and when reality crumbled, the child is actually good yes, but the monies are collected from doing vice.

If you watch the show Prison Break, it's like the wife thinking that her husband is still not back from war, when he's actually in prison. It's like how some parents perceive the 'good' in their maid from what they see physically, but the maid turns out to be a demon.

Take care of the reality you conjured...

Value of "Time with Family"

2006-11-03T16:39:00.000+08:00

Definition: "Time with Family" is my definition is the time that I have family within my vicinity, not necessarily means that I must DO something together with family. Driving to go somewhere with family in the car is also considered time with family. So is lining up at the bank with family is still time with family.

This is another answer to the question that people have asked before, "What's the difference between being single and being married?".

I have been approached by a company who is offering me about 50% increase than my current pay. I'm more interested in the challenge than the pay actually. Apart from cleaning 'dirty laundry' from previous failed personnel whose place I'm suppose to take over, the deadline is very tight and that's part of the challenge that made me interested. At least I can put another notch to one part of my skillset.

Since they did ask me what I want to ask for salary, I began to think properly on the value of losing my night time with family. Deadline will always mean either staying back at work or bringing work home. Bring work home IS time with family, but I'd consider it more of a veiled time. So, tabulating the distance, the toll cost, lack of night time with family and stress level, I asked for approximately 130% increase from my current salary. Even then if they agree, I'd had to rethink if the extra money is really worth it. But they didn't get back to me, and its been two days. So I guess their decision is made up. And my decision is made up too should they really come back.

I'm happy where I am currently. That's another key difference between being single and having a family. Being single, I want to get the best value for my services and willing to travel a lot or staying back late, but not anymore. Those who are married understands this, and those who are still single, you will find this a very pleasant feeling to be part of your married life.

Please pray that I'll be like this eternally. :D

She*l, you sux!

2006-10-12T10:41:00.000+08:00

Dear She*l Management,

I came across your advertisement on tv as well as the newspapers, where you are advertising about your superbly fast petrol kiosk fuel-up service, especially with the usage of credit cards. It showed that the parking attendant was just about to wash the windscreen when the car sped off. I was so elated that I drove to one of your kiosk to fuel up. Since I don't really need to fuel up, I put in just RM10 worth. Here's what I did.

I stopped my car. Pulled out my wallet. Called the attendant to wash my windscreen. Took out my card and slot in the card reader. Authorised and then I fueled up. To my utter amazement, he finished washing my windscreen even before I pressed on the pump!! I got a little disappointed, but then I thought, maybe your system was a little slow today.

The next day I went back to the same petrol kiosk, and again I did the same as the above. Same result! This time I was only a little bit faster, that I was at RM2.00++ when he finished washing my windows. What gives?! I was getting angry, but I cooled down. Okay, maybe this kiosk is not as efficient as the others.

A week later, I went to another kiosk. Same story. Again I went to another kiosk, same story also. Altogether I went to 8 different kiosks and I have failed on all occasions to drive off before the attendant manage to place the 'washing rod' on my windscreen! I've even tried changing my method, by asking them to wash only after I've placed the pump into the car. But no,... before I could place the pump back, they're done washing.

Then it dawned on me that the only logical explanation is that your company have deliberately lied to its customers, and on national tv and newspaper!! What a shame on you, She*l!! A totally misleading advertisement!

I hereby demand my money back for a total of RM160.00 which I must receive within two weeks time. Failure to do so will cause me to write a letter to the Ministry of Consumer Affairs, and take you to court for damages multiple times of the RM160.00 that I lost.

I expect to hear from you.

Sincerely,
Javalier

Sorry Readers

2006-09-14T10:55:00.000+08:00

Dear readers,

I'm sorry to inform you that currently I'm still working on a 3-day week in my company, while the other two days are used for personal and company-registering/planning time which gives me hardly any time for leisure on the net for blog updating.

Should be back blogging by October's end. For now, there will only be entries that come very sparsely.

Haunted Painting

2006-08-29T15:22:00.000+08:00

If you had been a constant Ebay lurker back in the 2001-2002 time, you would have came across a "Haunted Paiting" being sold on Ebay. I have always been mesmerised by this painting due to its hollow and eerie nature, as if the picture shows the essence of life being cast away. Anyway, I thought I'd share this picture with you since I have always been taking a look-see at it again nearly once every three months. The owner of Ebay halted the auction as there was a huge public outcry that 'evil' is being sold.

In Ebay, the picture is described as follows: -

When we received this painting, we thought it was really good art. A "picker" had found it abandoned behind an old brewery. At the time we wondered a little why a seemingly perfectly fine painting would be discarded like that. (Today we don't!!!) One morning our 4 and 1/2 years old daughter claimed that the children in the picture were fighting, and coming into her room during the night. Now, I don't believe in UFOS or Elvis being alive, but my husband was alarmed. To my amusement he set up a motion triggered camera for the nights. After three nights there were pictures. After seeing the boy seemingly exiting the painting, we decided, the painting has to go. Please judge for yourself. --- Warning: Do not bid on this painting if you are susceptible to stress related disease, faint of heart or are unfamiliar with supernatural events.

The post includes several other things such as questions on how to bless the house once the painting is gone. There are also several warnings that says "Don't put the painting as your desktop wallpaper" and several other comments that claimed "Don't look too intensely into the painting because once the girl turns her face towards you, death will come to you." Well, yeah, it does sound scary because the girl does not have an eye in the eye sockets.

Now, from my own appreciativeness of the art of the painting. It shows a boy, real human boy, with a girl who has a sad face, and missing eyes from the eye socket, and there are hands behind the glass frame behind the boy trying to reach out. On one hand, it looks as if the boy is 'hypnotised' in a city of ghosts, on the other, it's like a human life that exist amongst undeads. But in all honesty, I cannot 'feel' any message that the painter tries to potray, but it is really a good imagination of the artist to produce such an artwork. Just appreciate the beauty of it, but turn your face away once the girl starts turning her face towards you. :P

The real story is this: The painting was painted by William Stoneham in 1972. According to him, "When I painted the Hands Resist Him in 1972, I used an old photo of myself at age five in a Chicago apartment. The hands are the 'other lives.' The glass door, that thin veil between waking and dreaming. The girl/doll is the imagined companion, or guide through this realm."

However, in Stoneham's own words, there were 'cases' related to his painting that happened, such as the owner of the gallery where this photo is shown and art critic who reviewed the show were dead within a year. He says it's just a coincidence. Anyway, the original painting has been sold during the show, and he has no idea where the painting is now.

There,... just to share a piece of artwork that caught my attention since 4 years back.

p/s: Did the word "hantu" come from the word "haunt"?